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???

My Duane Reade Card Got Me Points!

By Michael Musto, Thursday, Oct. 29 2009 @ 2:00PM
Comments (13)
Categories: Featured

2006_sardines_can.jpg
​
You know those annoying "club cards" you get at Duane Reade because if you spend $100 there and they tally it on the card, you get five whole bucks towards your next purchase?

Well, after what seemed like years of buying and trying, I finally made it! I reached $100 the other day, mainly thanks to the Snuggies they're selling, which are perfect Christmas gifts for people too lazy to sleep under an actual blanket.

And I actually sensed a rush of achievement when they notified me that I had attained my goal! (As if I didn't know! I'd been counting points like a madman.)

It gave my ego a boost and made me feel like I had actually done something, no matter how trivial and non-talent-dependent.

In fact, my head spun so feverishly from this consumeristic high that I could barely get my ass together to scour the store and see what I could possibly get for five fucking bucks. But I managed. I slapped myself in the face, came down from my high horse, and set about cashing my chips and hunting for gold.

And after hours of searching and perusing, I came up with...a bottle of drain unclogger and a can of sardines! And suddenly I didn't feel so great.

Comments (13) Write Comment
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Comments (13)

E says:

Sardines and Drano. You're a maniac. woooooooh

I woulda got a giant Chunky Bar.

Posted On: Thursday, Oct. 29 2009 @ 2:25PM
Vagino Dickson says:

After over-caffeining myself to maintain a working student schedule (full-time work and full-time studies, perfect for all of us masochists), I figured that the Starbucks free coffee they give you after you've endured their low-grade brew for weeks was plain undrinkable. So that's how these sellers' point cards function: they hope you'll develop a habit of coming back and spending your money on them, then they foist some throwaway treat on you every so often to make you feel rewarded some way or other. Collect at your own peril.

Posted On: Thursday, Oct. 29 2009 @ 3:04PM
UhOkay says:

For $5? I wonder, MM, how you would react if you were awarded the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes giant check for $10 million? Better have an oxygen tank nearby, just in case!

Posted On: Thursday, Oct. 29 2009 @ 3:32PM
pantera lilly says:

I hate those stupid cards, although I always use my Pavilions (I'm in Cali) and also Albertson's cause I get money off my food bills, I love how it says example $45.00 but after I plug in my phone number (I actually use my parents phone no.) my bill will be $37.00! Oh I feel such power and joy! Hey, I get it where I can ok?

Posted On: Thursday, Oct. 29 2009 @ 3:33PM
v. girl says:

I have a D'ag card from Dagostinos.

You get 10 points for every dollar spent.

Soon I'll be able to get a bag of pasta for a dollar off.

Posted On: Thursday, Oct. 29 2009 @ 4:09PM
nocturna says:

now we know what a typical evening at Musto's apartment is like -- never mind the glamorous clubbing -- he goes home, scarfs down a can of rotten Duane Reade sardines, pukes in the sink, and then uses his drano to try to clean the clog (unsuccessfully) -- You are a sunbeam in God's eye, Michael!!!

Posted On: Thursday, Oct. 29 2009 @ 6:41PM
Miss Mitzi Gaynor, Gwen Verdon & Norma Desmond says:

We ladies prefer Jack 99 Cents store where you can get FIVE cans for the same price! !

Posted On: Thursday, Oct. 29 2009 @ 8:40PM
Wrathos says:

Yeah, I can't get out of the DR without $50 worth of off-brand shower gel, trash bags, chex mix, and butane lighter fluid.

http://www.ihateduanereade.com

Posted On: Thursday, Oct. 29 2009 @ 9:05PM
SnappySammySmoot says:

quit pouring the sardine oil down the drain and you won't need the unclogger.

Posted On: Friday, Oct. 30 2009 @ 12:44AM
Barkley says:

The corporation that manufactures those Snuggie things is a Satanic cult and the fibers in them have chemicals that set off neurons in the brain that can make them sympathetic to cults.

Posted On: Friday, Oct. 30 2009 @ 11:04AM
Barkley says:

I love their Pop Chips. "Exactly how do Pop Specs help the ecology?" "Well they ain't made outta wood!"

Posted On: Friday, Oct. 30 2009 @ 11:06AM
Eve says:

Their new cards require 500 points before getting the lame $5 reward! I think they're giving 2 points per dollar, so $250 in purchases. YIKES. Rite Aid, Walgreens, and CVS regularly have printable coupons for $5-10 off $20-30 purchases. $5 back after you've spent many multiples of that amount is a lousy, lousy deal.

Posted On: Sunday, Jan. 31 2010 @ 4:29PM
Hee Dragna says:

Affiliate Networks have now got a new place to turn for information and resources. VirtualWorldeEnt has exploded on to the marked with a revelutionary new affiliate program. The ability to promote multiple sites, use banners, I-Frames or even text links! and a awesome conversion is what its all about and they have it!! for any other questions about them find out more

Posted On: Tuesday, Mar. 9 2010 @ 4:29PM

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