​That's the story TV Guide sent around to the media yesterday, claiming that Wisteria Lane had become Hysteria Lane since desperate housewife Teri Hatcher told coworkers she was diagnosed with the H1N1 virus.

Was it from that time she supposedly kissed Ryan Seacrest in public? It's a moot point, since the magazine quickly sent around another message saying, "Disregard. The story is not yet confirmed."

In the day's other dramatic news:

Sandra Bullock battled the porn star of Mrs. Behavin' and Dyke Diner for child custody. I don't make this shit up.

President Obama signed into law an amazing hate crimes bill that makes it a federal crime to assault someone because of his/her sexuality--or because they eat at a Dyke Diner.

And the World Series raged on, as I not only didn't give a shit, I couldn't even figure out who the fuck was playing! Don't tell me!