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Featured

Why I'm Not Really a VIP

By Michael Musto, Friday, Oct. 23 2009 @ 9:00AM
Comments (21)
Categories: Musto on Musto, nightlife

mustoadvice.jpg
On a whirlwind trip to Miami the other day, I had quite the humbling experience.

I was at a fashion show in the courtyard of the fancy Setai hotel, and a promoter escorted me and my friend beyond the velvet rope and into a boxed area. But the snooty young woman who was serving that area wasn't having it. She saw us as a hideous intrusion and promptly scooted us away from one of the two tables there, making sure we weren't sitting anywhere near the people already seated at it.

As we sat, cramped, in banquette space between the two tables, we wondered why we were so unworthy. "I'm taking care of VIPs," she snarled, as if spitting tacks into my skull. Ouch! What a harrowing thing to say with someone with a supermodel-thin ego like myself!

I was afraid that line would reverberate through my noggin through eternity ("I'm taking care of VIPs!" "You're not a VIP!"), but admirably enough I quickly let go of it because, after all:

(a) I realized that by VIPs she meant tacky, shiny people who were willing to fork over their credit cards for bottle service

And (b) She eventually apologized.

And so, whether I'm a VIP or not, at least I'll never find myself paying for anything.

Comments (21) Write Comment
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Comments (21)

parma says:

Don't you know by now that in a place where people are paying for bottles, they are king and even press people count for shit?

Posted On: Friday, Oct. 23 2009 @ 9:41AM
Musto says:

My friend Mickey Boardman had the best response to the woman: "Since we're not VIPs, why don't you not talk to us anymore."

But then she apologized and it was all huggy and kissy.

Posted On: Friday, Oct. 23 2009 @ 9:42AM
carolla says:

Oh, please. You should have worked out these issues in your chidhood.

Posted On: Friday, Oct. 23 2009 @ 9:43AM
Tim says:

I once sat a few rows behind you at a screening of "Skidoo" a few years ago. I felt like a VIP just being in your presence, your majesty.

Posted On: Friday, Oct. 23 2009 @ 9:52AM
Musto says:

Thank you, Tim. I feel better now.

Posted On: Friday, Oct. 23 2009 @ 10:01AM
Jonster says:

It's Miami. They can't do anything right down there.

Posted On: Friday, Oct. 23 2009 @ 10:53AM
cjay says:

Miami is a nice/so I'll say it twice...
Miami is nice
Miami is nice

Oh well.

Posted On: Friday, Oct. 23 2009 @ 10:55AM
LAURA MARS says:

I don't know about your friend Mickey, but there's no mistaking you for a Visually Impaired Person.

Posted On: Friday, Oct. 23 2009 @ 11:52AM
Kneeling O'Whora says:

Perhaps you forgot to sparkle, Michael.

Posted On: Friday, Oct. 23 2009 @ 12:03PM
Southern Dave says:

You ARE a VIP, Michael ...

Very Ingenious Prosestylist.

Posted On: Friday, Oct. 23 2009 @ 1:05PM
Musto says:

Thanks, Dave. This post really worked. I feel better than ever now!

Posted On: Friday, Oct. 23 2009 @ 2:23PM
Cha Cha Walters says:

I'd rather sit in a cozy banquette than at a crappy table any day, but what is amazing is that you took shit from some two-bit waitress!

You should have slapped the taste out of her filthy mouth and that would have solved three problems: 1. No bitch would ever mess with you again, 2. You would have been removed from the premises and not had to suffer in your banquette, and 3. You would have gotten a shitload of tabloid coverage and zipped right up to VIP status.

Posted On: Friday, Oct. 23 2009 @ 3:40PM
movielover says:

At least you were civil, Michael. So you may not be a VIP after all. Had you been more of a VIP, you might have said "shove it up your cunt!" thus demonstrating how very important you actually ah.

Posted On: Friday, Oct. 23 2009 @ 4:04PM
Mr. Mickey says:

Actually in this case VIP meant they paid a lot of moolah to sit there and it was kind of a charity thing so I can understand them not wanting us freeloading!! But it was funny and I ended up hooking up with a cute guy so it was a happy ending.

Posted On: Friday, Oct. 23 2009 @ 4:12PM
nostradavid says:

Freeloading journalists are an American tradition.
She could probably tell that DietCokes
don't generate very big tips.

Posted On: Friday, Oct. 23 2009 @ 5:32PM
F. Packer says:

La Musto has never been ANYTHING but A-List!

Posted On: Friday, Oct. 23 2009 @ 7:59PM
K. says:

I wouldn't have sent you the Alexander McQueen link if I didn't think you were VIP.
❤❤❤

Posted On: Saturday, Oct. 24 2009 @ 10:40AM
Cookie cutter says:

Hmm, normally I just skim your little blurbs, but today I actually read the whole thing and I have to point out that when the lady said "I'm taking care of the VIPs" it also reverbed in your noggin as "You're not a VIP."

Now, I know taking psychiatric meds does not technically qualify me as a psychologist, but I would like to point out there's a little lost in translation going on in your head. It's one thing to extrapolate meaning. It's another thing when said extrapolation reverbs rather than what was said.

I think I just licked to the center of your tootsie roll's pathology.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I think there's an open bar somewhere in the city.

Sincerely,
Cookie Cutter

Posted On: Sunday, Oct. 25 2009 @ 10:29PM
David says:

thats ridiculous

maybe NightLifeApp.com the App for promoters and party goers can help a little :)

Posted On: Tuesday, Oct. 27 2009 @ 1:04PM
Danilo de la Torre says:

Hi Michael this is Adora from Miami I 'm looking for Jon Jon desesperadamente !!! I 'm going to NY Nov 15 and 16 and I "ll love to see him any Ideas ? Thank you ! Love Adora !

Posted On: Saturday, Oct. 31 2009 @ 3:37PM
Nathan says:

Hey Michael,
You are very VIP. I was in Mr. Gay Philadelphia last year (I was the one with the gaywatch speedo), and I remember wanting to approach you and say Hi, but you made me nervous. I've been a huge fan of yours as far as I can remember. I think your columns are great! You're Awesome! email me sometime if you want..

-Nathan ;)

Posted On: Sunday, Nov. 15 2009 @ 6:44PM

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