Welcome to blogs.villagevoice.com
Blogs
  • News
    • » News Home
    • » Daily News
    • » Runnin' Scared - News Blog
    • » Tom Robbins
    • » Wayne Barrett
  • Music
    • » Music Home
    • » Top Picks
    • » Find a Bar or Club
    • » Pazz & Jop
    • » Down in Front
    • » Sound of the City
    • » Siren
    • » Submit an Event
    • » Jukebox
    • » Join Music Newsletter
    • » Entertainment Ads
  • Calendar
    • » Calendar Home
    • » Top Picks
    • » Comedy Events
    • » Submit an Event
    • » Entertainment Ads
  • Restaurants
    • » Restaurants Home
    • » Restaurant Guide
    • » Restaurant Reviews
    • » Sietsema's Counter Culture
    • » Find a Bar or Club
    • » Fork in the Road (column)
    • » Fork in the Road (blog)
    • » Sponsored Online Menus
    • » Choice Eats Tasting Event
    • » Join Dining Newsletter
    • » Restaurant Ads
    • » Happy Hours App
  •  
  • Arts
    • » Arts Home
    • » Calendar
    • » Books
    • » Theater
    • » Art
    • » Dance
    • » Obies Theater Awards
  • Films
    • » Films Home
    • » Now Showing
    • » Movie Showtimes
    • » Reviews
    • » Join NY Film Club
    • » Movie Ads
  • The Ads
    • Ad Index
    • Flip Book
    • Media Kit
    • » Fitness Health & Beauty Guide
    • » Sponsored Online Menus
  • Classifieds
    • Free Online Classifieds
    • Real Estate For Rent
    • Sexy Black Book
    • Virtual Career Fair
    • Personals
    • Real Estate for Sale
    • Place an Ad (print)
  • Blogs
    • » Runnin' Scared
    • » Sound of the City
    • » La Daily Musto
    • » Fork in the Road (blog)
    • » All City
  • Columns
    • » La Dolce Musto
    • » Tom Robbins
    • » Sex
    • » Horoscope
  • Best Of
    • » Arts & Entertainment
    • » Bars & Clubs
    • » Food & Drink
    • » People & Places
    • » Shopping & Services
    • » Sports & Recreation
    • » Best of Ads
  • Bars/Clubs
    • » Bars/Clubs Home
    • » Gay Bars & Clubs
    • » Bars/Club Ads
    • » Happy Hours App
  • Archives
    • Advanced Archive Search
    • Locations Map
    • Event Search
  • Reader Recommendations
  • Promotions
    • Street Team
    • Join The Street Team
    • Contests & Promotions
    • Text Alerts
    • Buy Village Voice Merchandise
    • Supplements Archive
  • Site Map

Top

blog

Stories

  • Twitter

    Why People Twitter

    By Michael Musto

    1
  • Featured

    Hollywood is Up To Its Old Recycling Tricks Agai...

    By Michael Musto

    2
  • Sex

    Jessica Simpson To Make Babies With Gay Hairdres...

    By Michael Musto

    3
  • Featured

    Constance the Prom Lesbian Is Making Big Waves!

    By Michael Musto

    4
  • naked

    Marc Jacobs' Luscious Husband Naked!

    By Michael Musto

    5
  • Musto on Musto

    The Truth About My Crappy Looking Bicycle!

    By Michael Musto

    6
  • goodbyes

    RIP, Corey Haim

    By Michael Musto

    7
  • Crazies

    Drunken Gay Senator To Hold Anti-Gay Rally

    By Michael Musto

    8
  • Oscars

    My Final Oscar Predix, For Those Who Care

    By Michael Musto

    9
  • Featured

    More Photos From My Party!

    By Michael Musto

    10
  • celebs

    Morgan Freeman=Nobility

    By Michael Musto

    11
  • Best Of

    Most Obnoxious Phrases, 2010 Edition

    By Michael Musto

    12
  • Oscars

    The Worst Oscar Speeches

    By Michael Musto

    13
  • Musto on Musto

    All This Snow Has Me Feeling S.A.D.

    By Michael Musto

    14
  • Featured

    I'm Really on Facebook!

    By Michael Musto

    15
 
celebs

Lindsay Lohan Will Surely Die!

By Michael Musto, Monday, Nov. 9 2009 @ 3:39PM
Comments (21)
Categories: Featured, If..., Lindsay Lohan

dina_lohan_shoe_line.jpg
​
Gosh, I hate to drum up a title as sensationally tacky as that one, but let's get serious: That's exactly what's going to happen unless Lindsay's warring parents take some extreme measures and try to belatedly convince the young tabloid star that they actually care about her as a human being.

The father, especially, needs to stop promoting himself at the expense of his daughter, all while pretending he's helping her get well. Hey, dad, how about not trying to shop tapes of Lindsay to the media, while vigorously thumping your bible and preaching God's good works?

And Mom, let's avoid any more reality shows in which you try to push your other sibling into the same glitzy cesspool you Mama-Rosed Lindsay into. And stop battling for Lindsay in public! Prove your parental chops in person and that might make her feel less like a pawn for your own quashed show biz dreams.

Only if she's loved and appreciated--by the people around her, not by the masses--will Lindsay avoid a Michael Jackson-like demise based on an absence of personal mooring. Otherwise, this will turn into a hideous waiting game.

So can we make a deal? How about if neither of you does another interview or appearance, except to run to Lindsay's side, tell her you love her (as a person, whether she's famous or not), and will be there for her in private through all time, regardless of your differences with each other?

Do it fast before she gets the restraining order.

Comments (21) Write Comment
Share

Related Content

  • Michael Jackson's Estate Signs $250 Million Contract With Sony, Thus Beating Jay-Z By $100 Million In Establishing the Most Absurdly Lucrative Deal, Ever March 16, 2010
  • Brooklyn to Get the Michael Jackson-Themed Subway Mural It Tenuously Deserves February 16, 2010
  • Michael Jackson Autopsy Reveals Thin Hair, Closed Bottle of Urine February 9, 2010
  • Michael Jackson and the Endless Summer of Death January 19, 2010
  • Help Me Explain The Jay Leno Situation January 11, 2010

More About:

  • Mama-Rosed Lindsay
  • Michael Jackson

Comments (21)

LILO86RS says:


Finaly someone says exactly the obvious solution, thank you.

Posted On: Monday, Nov. 9 2009 @ 4:09PM
samantha dykeson says:

I mean. does anybody give a shit? She is even more brainless and talentless than Michael Jackson -- she makes Republicans look smart -- so why should anyone at all care is she offs herself, apart from Musto losing a subject for his blogs?

Posted On: Monday, Nov. 9 2009 @ 4:12PM
2cents says:

Lindsay - maybe you can talk with Drew Barrymore - who despite her "challenged" parents and stint with drink and drugs (beginning at what, age 10?) was able to lift herself out that pit.

Posted On: Monday, Nov. 9 2009 @ 4:25PM
dacosta says:

Talentless? Hardly. She was a very appealing movie star and deserves a career and a life.

Posted On: Monday, Nov. 9 2009 @ 4:34PM
h. stern says:

It's true, this is Anna Nicole all over again, but with way more talent.

Posted On: Monday, Nov. 9 2009 @ 4:35PM
Musto says:

I don't honestly feel mama Dina (who usually means well, or at least thinks she does) is nearly as culpable as the dad. He's a horror show in his own league, a raving, destructive force who's full of scary contradictions.

I just think they should both chill, reassess their values and behavior, and do what's really best for Lindsay.

And yes, I feel she's worth saving. I love her as a movie star!

Posted On: Monday, Nov. 9 2009 @ 4:53PM
Fire Crotch says:


I feel sorry for her having such a loser for a father. He just wants to promote himself. But she does look like she needs rehab. Since Mean Girls she's really done nothing worth wile
career wise. She could recover if she would just focus on staying sober and throwing herself into work.

Posted On: Monday, Nov. 9 2009 @ 5:27PM
CMG says:

Her father is an attention-seeking man-whore. Her mother is bad, just not quite the anti-Christ who wants to come off as a phony Christian, but she comes off as a total stage mom, well-intentioned or not, while the father has always been crazy and abusive. Oh and Lindsay's younger sister looks older than her if that was ever possible.

Such a shame. She had a curvy but healthy looking body, seemed funny (watch the first time she hosted SNL), nice, and bubbly but then she got restrained to a Disney contract then she just started making terrible decisions after doing some reasonable work like Bobby and Prairie Home Companion. We'll always have Mean Girls, LiLo.

Posted On: Monday, Nov. 9 2009 @ 7:16PM
Southern Dave says:

This scenario has been played out so many times before, there's no surprise left.

Talented? Yes.

Doomed? Probably.

Posted On: Monday, Nov. 9 2009 @ 7:34PM
hugh heffner says:

lindsey lohen is yesterday's news....she looks like she is over 40 years old, which in hollywood is akin to 80....only one way for lindsey to go is downhill...not as though there are any great acting roles for her to miss out on even if she was sober.

Posted On: Monday, Nov. 9 2009 @ 9:37PM
nostradavid says:

Lindsay Lohan has so much talent,
she will find true love and great success.
I'm so glad she was able to work with
Robert Altman in Prarie Home Companion.

How many of you were ready to write off
Robert Downey Jr. seven years ago ?
He's going to be a great Sherlock next month.

Michael, you're an excellent family counselor.

Posted On: Monday, Nov. 9 2009 @ 11:47PM
nostradavid says:

"Prairie Home Companion"

Posted On: Monday, Nov. 9 2009 @ 11:49PM
David says:

Leave Lindsay Alone!

Posted On: Tuesday, Nov. 10 2009 @ 12:26AM
Jadedkitten says:

What she really needs is a gurney, a 5150, and Jamie freaking Spears.

Posted On: Tuesday, Nov. 10 2009 @ 12:57AM
OhioOrrin says:

her maturing "woman's face" isn't all that.

maybe she's got talent...ok then, maybe a nice personality...hummm...

Posted On: Tuesday, Nov. 10 2009 @ 9:26AM
Barkley says:

Does anyone else get a gay vibe from the father? The way he talks, he's super groomed, put together, etc.

Posted On: Tuesday, Nov. 10 2009 @ 9:44AM
another county says:

Michael, I'd anoint you Lohan Family Shrink in a nanoflash, but might not your take on Lindsay's condition be a tad overstated? Sure, she got dealt the most effed up parent hand on record, but once you dig past the tabloids, she doesn't seem to be doing all that badly. She's certainly not on the destructo-whirl of a few years ago. Lindsay made a perfectly coherent -and funny- set of tweets kicking her rat-bastard father (aka "the sperm donor" -- her nickname) to the curb, then left the rest to her lawyer. Whatever her status with Ronson, they're no longer duking it out in front of paparazzi. She's denied each new dick-of-the-day story, quietly reaffirming that she's unavailable. She shot Machete with high praise from Rodriguez; her forays into fashion may irk the purists, but they're surely more productive than racking up DUIs; she's ditched last year's adventure with anorexia. No question the girl's got a therapeutic battle nobody would envy, and maybe you've got intelligence denied us civillians. But if not, I'd love to see you champion her right to invoke the recall clause on her parents without the tacky tabloid flourish. Y/N?

Posted On: Tuesday, Nov. 10 2009 @ 9:47AM
billyjoe says:

I think you have to give Michael and Dina credit: How many of us could turn our family dysfunctions into a profit center?

Posted On: Tuesday, Nov. 10 2009 @ 9:55AM
sanchez says:

"Just a therapeutic problem"?

Yeah, like Anna Nicole, Heath, and Michael jackson.

And the parents are currently battling it out about whether Lindsay is a mess, the father having tapes to prove she is.

Don't believe the spin control about how she's better.

Posted On: Tuesday, Nov. 10 2009 @ 10:00AM
another county says:

@sanchez, with all due respect, you might want to reconsider just whose spin is most suspect. Michael Lohan has been secretlly taping private conversations, for years! Now he's hawking heavily edited versions - with innacurate date tags, and his side muted - to the least factual tabloids for a hefty price tag?! The parents are battling something out, all right, but it's not Lindsay's well-being. And as Musto notes, Michael is by far the more culpable parent.

Posted On: Tuesday, Nov. 10 2009 @ 10:22AM
Anonymous says:

I will never understand why anyone would care about this mess. She brings nothing to the table. No matter what happened in her childhood, she is an adult now and is responsible for her own decisions. There are thousands of young actresses who are way prettier and way more talented. Let her die so one of them might get a shot.

Posted On: Tuesday, Nov. 10 2009 @ 10:38AM

Write Comment


Comments may not show up immediately after submission. Please wait a minute after posting a comment for it to appear.

All reader comments are subject to our Terms of Use. By clicking "Post," you acknowledge that you have reviewed and agree to these Terms.

Tools

Search La Daily Musto


Follow

Email tips to tips@villagevoice.com

SlideShows»

  • SXSW: Village Voice Media Showdown with the XX, Superchunk & more
  • Smell the Glove Party
  • Driven by Boredom's 9 Year Anniversary Party (NSFW)
  • More Slideshows >>

Most …

  • My Heart Goes Out To Sandra Bullock
  • Bebe Neuwirth Irked at Nathan Lane! Dame Edna Probably Not Thrilled With Michael Feinstein!
  • Who'll Star in Tim Burton's Addams Family Movie?
  • What's Your Favorite Drag Movie?
  • Why People Twitter
  • More Recent Entries...
  • Make Way For Vanity Society (28)
  • Why People Twitter (25)
  • Is Kelsey Grammer The Right Person For La Cage? (22)
  • What's Your Favorite Drag Movie? (19)
  • My Heart Goes Out To Sandra Bullock (18)
  • Constance the Prom Lesbian Is Making Big Waves! What Next?
  • Marc Jacobs' Luscious Husband Naked In Butt Magazine!
  • My Heart Goes Out To Sandra Bullock
  • Is Black Dick Really Better?
  • Richard Gere Finally Addresses Gerbil Rumor--And Changes It!

VVM on Digg

  • 68
    diggs
    F^*k Google Analytics (Pic)
  • 69
    diggs
    Naked man dancing on billboard stops traffic in Dallas [SFW]
  • 1
    diggs
    Moron Juror Stole Credit Card During Credit Card Trial
  • 1
    diggs
    Really Hot toys battle-damaged Iron Man Mark III figure
  • 1
    diggs
    Topless Robot - Grand Theft Anime
  • 1
    diggs
    Topless Robot - The 9 Worst Types of Podcasters
  • 1
    diggs
    Topless Robot - 10 Horrible Paintings from Atari 2600 Game B
  • 1
    diggs
    Topless Robot - This Is What Happens When British Nerds Don'
  • 1
    diggs
    Topless Robot - In Cake No One Can Hear You Scream
  • 1
    diggs
    Topless Robot - Final Fantasy VII Finally Gets Re-Made... fo
  • 233
    diggs
    Online Threats Not Protected Speech
  • 322
    diggs
    Texas Oil Companies Fight CA Law to Combat Global Warming
  • 449
    diggs
    Wikipedia now on the menu at Chinese restaurants - WTF?
  • 330
    diggs
    (PICS) Burlesqueland: Disney-themed Burlesque Show
  • 236
    diggs
    21 Examples of Contemporary Billboard Art (PICS)
  • 349
    diggs
    Old Man Charged With Hate Crime for Grabbing Woman's Butt
  • 176
    diggs
    Firefighter Can't Extinguish Flame of Passion - In His Pants
  • 408
    diggs
    Sign This is Going to Be a Long Day (Pic)
  • 251
    diggs
    Malnourished Easter Bunnies Seized
  • 407
    diggs
    Man arrested for peeing on 7 Hispanic girls
  • 8776
    diggs
    Legalization of Marijuana Bill in California
  • 5801
    diggs
    Guess Who is Facing 21 Years in Prison?
  • 5051
    diggs
    Guys Dates Several Prostitutes. No Sex. Just Regular Dates.
  • 4605
    diggs
    Get Up, Stand Up: Ammiano Introduces Marijuana Legalization
  • 3753
    diggs
    Denver Airports Controversial 32 FT Zombie Mustang Sculpture
  • 3748
    diggs
    Guy Dumps His Cheating Girlfriend Live on Radio (Audio)
  • 2720
    diggs
    Meet Scientology's Worst Enemy
  • 2695
    diggs
    Decision Tree: Should I Buy an iPad? (PIC)
  • 2631
    diggs
    The best (PIC) of Colin Powell you'll see today.
  • 2589
    diggs
    Police Get The Wrong House In Galveston, Assault 12-Year old

Links

Links

  • La Dolce Musto: the column
About Us | Work for Village Voice | Esubscribe | Free Classifieds | Advertising | Privacy Policy | Problem With the Site? | RSS | Site Map
©2010 Village Voice, LLC. All rights reserved.