Clay's "Yes, I'm Gay" Revelation a Little Stale

Posted by Michael Musto at 3:30 PM, September 25, 2008

Photo by Judy Butler

Clay Aiken's People magazine coverline--"Yes, I'm Gay"--came as a welcome relief (though I'm sure I heard some gunshots coming from pinheaded Claymates who are still convinced even Liberace's straight). But it wasn't exactly breathtakingly original, alas. Yes, a whole letter was changed from Ellen's legendary old "Yep, I'm gay" announcement, but couldn't Clay and the mag have conspired to create something even more inventive? Couldn't Clay have thought out of the box, as it were?

Some of the fresher choices he could have gone with:

"Yes, I Take It Up The Crapper"

"Yes, I Lied Like a Rug"

"No, I'm Not Straight" (subhead: "No, I'm Not Bi Either")

"Yes, I Collect Dolls"

"Got Dick"

"Cum Whore and Child"

And of course: "Yes, I Needed an Excuse To Peddle My Baby Pictures"

Clay Aiken Is A Gay Papi

Posted by Michael Musto at 10:11 AM, September 24, 2008

Daddy Clay Aiken has emerged from all his evasions and lies and come clean, as it were, in a People cover story about his being a gay. Yay, gay Clay! Maybe my own urgings had a little something to do with this, not only here at the Voice, but in my Out cover story last year about "glass closet" celebs like Clay who needed to stop the bullshit and send some shards flying.

But enough about me. I was curious to know what John Paulus, who had that famous online hookup with Clay and even kept the cumrag, had to say about all this, so I checked his blog and damn—he's nice about it! No more jokes! No more attacks! No more recriminations! Attention, Hollywood. That's what happens when you come out.

Hooray For Clay! Why His Fatherhood Might Be OK!

Posted by Michael Musto at 4:34 PM, May 30, 2008

I was so stunned by the news that Clay Aiken is set to be a daddy that I spit out my Ambien cocktail and forgot to even comment about it. But now that I've had some time to pick myself off the floor and regroup on the subject, I must say this development makes perfect sense. After all, gay men are having babies all the time! (See below post on the Details article about the gay baby boom, which studiously omitted me.) And to do so, a gay guy generally needs a female vagina! (As opposed to a male vagina.) I only have a few concerns about this wacky turn of events. I hope Clay is doing this because he really wants to bring a human life into the world, not to prove some kind of crazy virility that his Internet hookup claimed was lacking. I also pray people will stop saying Clay's packed on a few pounds lately and suddenly looks like a sperm whale, ba dum pum! But mainly, I wish Clay the best in his newest intergenerational endeavor. And I hope he and his older lady friend slash producer are as happy as Randy Travis and his!

What Does Clay Aiken Have in Common with a Drag Queen?

Posted by Michael Musto at 3:00 PM, April 15, 2008

Don't like the way Clay Aiken sings? Well, you're a heathen with taste up your poopshoot! How about at least hearing the American Idol runner-up talk? Here he is in a brief "webisode" interview on broadwayworld.com whereby he says Spamalot—the Broadway campfest he's currently in—isn't about the music or the plot, it's about irreverent humor, and he also talks about the making of his new CD, which hopefully ISN'T about irreverent humor. Two points of interest: The webisode starts with an ad for Aiken's CD! That's the totally uncomplicated state of web journalism in 2008! And though I used to say Clay looks like kd lang, all I can think of now is that he SOUNDS exactly like local drag star Lady Bunny!

World Prepares to End as Clay Aiken Gets Raves!

Posted by Michael Musto at 3:00 PM, February 26, 2008

PhotoShopped image helpfully found at ClayAikenpins.com

Clay Aiken soils himself in Spamalot—but he's supposed to! And Newsday's Linda Winer swears the American Idol loser is absolutely "charming" in the outrageously sardonic show. Clay plays Sir Robin (formerly played by OPENLY gay actor David Hyde-Pierce) and Winer writes that he does it with an "aging cherub face" and "a childlike skip." What's more, the aging, skipping k.d. lang lookalike "blends into the sophomore adorableness of the show, even toying with his own girlish charisma at a piano topped with a Liberace candelabra." "Girlish charisma?" I'm guessing that won't be put in the ads. Still, congrats, Clay, honey. You're the new Fantasia. I may not be eating crow, but at the very least I'll eat some Spam—and maybe I'll even stop telling your irrepressible fans, the Claymates, to eat shit.

In Praise of Clay Aiken

Posted by Michael Musto at 9:00 AM, February 20, 2008

The holy word has come back from the Claymates and it is thus: "Miss Musto, why don't you write something NICE already about our beloved god of the pasty face and the ambiguous voice? Why don't you sing some praises to Clay Aiken, for Jesus's sake, instead of jealously cutting him down and pointing out his fruity absurdities?" And so I've heeded their darkest desires and trudged through the insides of my soul—yes, I have one—for some flattery I can heap upon the weird-haired big-bland singer who, after all, is human just like most of the rest of us. And all I could come up with is. . . he isn't Hitler! And he's never harmed an animal in my presence—not intentionally, anyway! And he's a registered Democrat!

So I need your help, children. I need you to step up to the plated teeth and announce what REALLY makes Clay so darned great—as a singer, a person, and an American Idol runner up. This is not a setup where I'm going to ensare you at your most vulnerable and then cut you down lower than Kelly Clarkson. I truly want to learn something here and maybe even become culturally enriched. So come on, kids, spill. "I love Clay Aiken because. . ."

Forgive Me, Claymates, I Have Sinned!

Posted by Michael Musto at 12:00 PM, February 11, 2008

My last attack on Clay Aiken's devoted followers, the Claymates, started on a wrong note (like so many of his concerts do). Contrary to what I wrote, his fans' parents aren't of the generation that voted for President Bush. THEY are! Claymates turn out to be crotchety old ladies, not the pimply, indiscriminately horny teenage girls I imagined them to be. What's more, Claymates are not at all Republicans, as I also wrongly assumed. Like Clay himself, the bulk of them are apparently registered Democrats because they blindly do every single thing HE does! They probably take anxiety pills and troll around online in homage to their great white god. So please accept my apologies, dear Mates, as I suddenly pretend to be "invisible." But don't be peeved if I hold onto my other saucy assertions—you know, that he's musically fromage-y and he's a big gay!

Claymates Bring Down Our National IQ

Posted by Michael Musto at 1:00 PM, February 4, 2008

Claymates are the slowest bunch of doody heads to grace this earth since their miscreant parents voted Bush into the White House. Shameless worshipers of singer Clay Aiken, they clog up the web writing anonymous posts about how drop-dead gorgeous and ultra sweet he is and how they happen to know he's 100%, incontrovertibly straight! These head injury victims are so last century they actually think it's an insult to say someone's gay. In all their ignorant denial, they use as backup
the fact that Clay is unfailingly generous—as if a gay can't do charity work! Ironically, it's because of these Middle American mo haters that Clay can't come out! His people surely tell him, "You must stay ambiguous, hon. There are still swarms of dummos out there who buy your music while clinging to the idea that you like women! In fact, they're your main demographic. So let's not wake them up, OK?" Thanks, you stoops. You're so dimwitted you don't even realize that just by reading this and getting mad, you're helping my blog! Go ahead, get out there and vote some more Republicans into the White House just like your inbred folks did. Four more years of Clay's lobotomizing music can help sugarcoat all the lies and hypocrisy!

Disclosure: In all fairness, I should point out that not every Claymate is a complete psycho. I'd say about one out of nine is a reasonable person with fairly decent taste who was somehow led astray by horrid peer pressure. But that doesn't make them any less offensive!

Clay's Aiken Breakin' Heart

Posted by Michael Musto at 2:00 PM, January 30, 2008

Clay Aiken raises his eyebrows in "an arch, queeny way." That's one of the things we learn in this week's enjoyable New York Magazine profile of the singer, along with the fact that he's widely assumed to be gay and also doesn't have a social life. "The only reason people go to bars is to get drunk and have sex," moans Aiken to reporter Ariel Levy. "To me, bars are what hell is like." Yeah, that's why he trolls around online! The article doesn't mention Clay's much tabloided hookup with John Paulus, but it does make a nod to Clay's affection for his beloved mama—a huge gay signifier, second only to owning a boxed set of Glenn Close films. By the way, Clay—who looks like a lesbian—is in town to play Lady of the Lake, I mean Sir Robin, in Spermalot, I mean Spamalot.