Grand Hotel: The Gramercy Makes it to the Tribeca Fest

Posted by Michael Musto at 12:00 PM, April 18, 2008

The Gramercy Park Hotel was once as squalid and fabulous as the rest of New York. In fact, according to the synopsis for the documentary film Hotel Gramercy Park, it was "a drug-fueled haven for the likes of Bowie and Blondie." And so many other tempestuously fun good friends of mine. But a few years ago, hotelier Ian Schrager took the place over and made it upscale, with more art on the walls and fewer needles in the halls. The film—by Douglas Keeve, best known for the Mizrahi mirth-athon Unzipped—apparently views the hotel's transformation as a metaphor for all of New York. I agree—or at least I think I do. I have to wait to see the movie to see what I say. (Yes, I inevitably appear as a commentator, despite the fact that I've barely even been there. As Cindy Adams once wrote, "He's everywhere like crabgrass,") You can check it out too at one of four Tribeca Film Festival screenings starting Saturday April 26. Don't bring drugs.

Mamma Mia! Sneak Peek: The Meryl Standing Tall

Posted by Michael Musto at 12:31 PM, April 15, 2008

Meryl Streep singing ABBA might seem like the height of absurdity--like Pavarotti doing REO Speedwagon—but as the queen of accents and the foremost screen interpreter of international culture, she did play a Danish lady in Out of Africa, so why not sing something a little Swedish? At last night's tribute to the goddess Meryl at Lincoln Center, the last clip shown was one from Mamma Mia!, and it wasn't one of the montagey ones I've seen in trailers—you know, where you hear music, but no one's actually singing. In this clip, Meryl stood high on a hill, her hair flowing in the wind, as she warbled "The Winner Takes it All" to Pierce Brosnan, who wisely just stood there as she emoted, ran, and competed with the scenery by belting it out. Using all her craft—and really rocking out on the high notes—Meryl's performance got one of the night's biggest ovations. What next—Meryl does the Village People?

Tilda Swinton Gives Oscar Away! Agent Takes 100%!

Posted by Michael Musto at 8:00 AM, February 25, 2008

Occasionally, the person who deserves an Oscar actually gets one, and that happened last night when Tilda Swinton copped Best Supporting Actress for Michael Clayton, in which she's surreally shimmery, brilliantly slimy, and scarily good. Off screen, Tilda's one of us—a spunky creative artist with a strong will and a radiant sense of quirk. In her speech, she said she'd give her trophy to her agent Brian Swardstrom, whom it physically resembles, and by time she greeted the press backstage last night, she said she'd already done so! A woman of her word? Who's talented and individualistic and wears a one-armed glam rock shmatte? She'll be drummed out of Hollywood in no time! But meanwhile, I'd love to meet Swardstrom. Even if he shares Oscar's distinct lack of crotch, he's got to have some mighty fine buttocks.

Dead Socialite Killed Again by TV Movie?

Posted by Michael Musto at 10:12 AM, February 6, 2008

The HBO movie Bernard and Doris—a partly true, partly imagined romp about gay butler Bernard Lafferty's weird bonding with his boss, socialite Doris Duke—has gotten kudos, but Duke's old chef, Colin Shanley—a dear friend of mine—has seen it and feels it's more puke than Duke. I allude to this in the new column, but I want to give you Shanley's full statement: "It's beyond the beyond. Doris Duke was a really, really cool lady and never deserved this. It's hard to find something this offensive and laughable. I had a front trow center seat for six years, and it was ULTRA extraordinary, except for the last moments, of course. And this is what people are going to see and believe! The only thing they got right is the spelling of the names. She was total class—an American original. She partied with Muddy Waters and Fred Astaire. . . Elvis and Joe Stalin. She was part Southern belle, part Garbo. She read the Koran in Arabic, played bebop, and was new age in the 1940s. She's portrayed as some Leona Helmsley desperate housewife blotto on hooch and Spanish fly, grooving it up with her adoring yet complicated newfound soulmate. 'Bernard, did you fuck me last night?' I mean, really! The writer should have worked this one out with his therapist. Read the court record. Bernard brought in the vultures and shot her up and sped up her death!" Well, I liked the movie, but what do I know? Keep Dukin' it out, Colin.

This week's La Dolce Musto: "A Gay Senate Candidate Revealed!"

Ay Dios Mio! Golden Globe's Bad Karma

Posted by Michael Musto at 11:43 AM, January 11, 2008

Premieres can be achingly tedious affairs where you stare at the floor as the filmmakers get up to publicly admire each others’ spunk and perspicacity. ("Thanks, Vince. You helped make Fred Claus a life-altering labor of love!") But at the recent premiere of The Orphanage, the spooky-dooky film Spain is submitting to the Oscars, director Juan Antonio Bayona and producer Guillermo Del Toro (the Pan's Labyrinth guy) at least gave us a sick, fun little show with some realness. "Guillermo used to say I talk English like an Egyptian prostitute," moaned Bayona. "In a biblical moment," clarified Del Toro, who added that Bayona has a terrible haircut and never chipped in for their lunches. "And he always talks about how short I am," Bayona went on, reclaiming the offensive. "I looked on the Internet and it said, 'The Orphanage was directed by a dwarf!' " The movie wasn't too long either.

Speaking of awards movies, the Golden Globes hoopla has been practically decimated by the writers strike, but I feel it's karma that actually did them in. In fact, I’m certain the Globes were actually punished because they hate old people! They’re obviously liver spot phobic and crazily averse to adult diapers—and longtime achievement! In all their elaborate lists of nominations, the easily enticed Globe committee of Egyptian prostitutes left out seasoned pros like Vanessa Redgrave, Frank Langella, Hal Holbrook, Ruby Dee, and Max Von Sydow! Meanwhile, they love anybody super famous and a little bit glamorous, as long as they don’t have an AARP card. They made sure to put into their list of honorees fancypusses like Julia Roberts, Angelina Jolie, Jodie Foster, Tom Hanks, Denzel Washington, and John Travolta. They went for anyone "telegenic"—and now, without their usual star-laden telecast, that approach is rendered totally useless! God said ha!

This week's La Dolce Musto: "A New Crisis for Britney's Sister?"