Now how is Brad Pitt going to feel about that?

The book is The Billy Bob Tapes: A Cave Full of Gosts by Thornton and Kinky Friedman.

And Thornton's ex, Angelina Jolie, clinks metaphorical vials of blood with him and weighs in with a written appreciation.

I've performed some computer wizardry, with the help of several technological experts, and come up an image representing what the superstar would look like if she'd been born Angelo instead.

That's practically Cracker Jack pricing.

And it's fancy, girl. It's a rock crystal and sterling silver beauty described thusly:

"A distinctive emerald-cut center gem and sparkling emerald-cut side stones combine to create this beautiful statement piece.

"This is the version that will be featured on the Gemvara site but like all of their designs, shoppers will have the ability to make it their own by changing the metal and gemstones."

But they said they were going to wait till gay marriage was approved everywhere.

Couldn't they have just waited 140 years???

When she swiveled out on the Oscars with her hand on her hip and her chickeny leg out, it prompted instant homage (The Descendants' writers did it with tuxes on), and I immediately started strutting through the apartment in that very pose, the applause crescendoing in the large slit in my mind.

And then the viral reaction that followed was huge and hilarious.

And not over the pressure of mothering 350 kids and counting.

I found out when I chased after patrons who'd just seen the new thriller starring America's favorite mom slash action star.

Check out the video and enjoy people's contentions that while The A Team was for slugs, Salt may be for one-celled organisms.

But Angelina runs well.

Seriously, La Liz was amazing--and well worth lifting--even if all the on-set gossip and hoopla surrounding her and Richard Burton tended to obscure the film's merits at the time.

But then we got used to the changes and stopped missing the vials of blood and public displays, and settled into accepting these two glamourpots as the reigning duo of Hollywood and all of its glossy contradictions.

I needed them! They gave me solace! They were my shelter!

Let's face it--we ALL sit back and bitch out movie stars who break up homes and carry on with married folks, but when the chance comes along to do the very same thing, we--I mean you--almost always bite the bait. It's just too risque and taboo and irresistible, like sneaking home an ice cream sundae somebody left on the table.

There's a secret thrill (I hear) to grabbing a hottie who's supposed to be with another being. As it turns out, there's a little Angelina in so very many of us, and I'd like you to be honest for a change and tell me just what kind of Brad Pitt types you've romanced despite--or maybe because of--the massive accessorization on their ring fingers.