Yesterday, Angelina Jolie revealed that she'd had a double mastectomy as a preventive measure against a family history of breast cancer, amidst worldwide kudos and admiration.

But on Facebook and other places, some were not convinced.

"Her breasts were sagging," said one ex "friend" of mine, "so she simply had them lifted. By lying and spinning it as a mastectomy, she is now above criticism or ridicule."

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She writes about it in this extraordinary essay about her mother's death, her own "faulty gene," and her preemptive strike against disease.

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I was flipping through the book The Billy Bob Tapes: A Cave Full of Ghosts by Thornton and Kinky Friedman, and came across this confession:

"The reason Angie and I split up was because I couldn't take it.

"Angie, I felt, was definitely too good for me, and at some point, if you believe somebody's too good for you, you're going to mess it up.

"She and I both know that I messed it up, but the good thing about her is, she doesn't judge me.

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Angelina Jolie is entering her grand diva phase, playing the wickedest of witches, and I think it's going to be fun.

Says the release about Maleficent (due in 2014):

"This is the untold story of Disney's most beloved villain, Maleficent, from the 1959 classic Sleeping Beauty.

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And it's really loving!

Now how is Brad Pitt going to feel about that?

The book is The Billy Bob Tapes: A Cave Full of Gosts by Thornton and Kinky Friedman.

And Thornton's ex, Angelina Jolie, clinks metaphorical vials of blood with him and weighs in with a written appreciation.

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She'd look exactly like this.

I've performed some computer wizardry, with the help of several technological experts, and come up an image representing what the superstar would look like if she'd been born Angelo instead.

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And you can get it for only $1,195!

That's practically Cracker Jack pricing.

And it's fancy, girl. It's a rock crystal and sterling silver beauty described thusly:

"A distinctive emerald-cut center gem and sparkling emerald-cut side stones combine to create this beautiful statement piece.

"This is the version that will be featured on the Gemvara site but like all of their designs, shoppers will have the ability to make it their own by changing the metal and gemstones."

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It's for real, people.

But they said they were going to wait till gay marriage was approved everywhere.

Couldn't they have just waited 140 years???

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Angelina Jolie with her leg sticking out of that slit in her dress may well become as iconic an image as Marilyn with her shmatte flying up.

When she swiveled out on the Oscars with her hand on her hip and her chickeny leg out, it prompted instant homage (The Descendants' writers did it with tuxes on), and I immediately started strutting through the apartment in that very pose, the applause crescendoing in the large slit in my mind.

And then the viral reaction that followed was huge and hilarious.

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No, not out of residual guilt over Jennifer Aniston.

And not over the pressure of mothering 350 kids and counting.

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