Perhaps it's because the hot air has burst out of Kim Kardashian's balloons.

But whatever the case, read Paris Hilton's tweets these days and you'll be invigorated, uplifted, and quite possibly feel your teeth ache.

The sociable socialite is in love with life even more than I'm in love with my Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman DVD.

Here's a bunch of recent chirpy tweets that prove she's the new Mary Poppins:

That's one of the sincere holiday wishes expressed in the tres amusant Christmas card I just got from Caroline's Comedy Club.

Here are some of the other lovely yuletide hopes that are on the wryly joyful card:

"A proposed gay bar next to the proposed mosque.

"Brett Favre keeping his ball-handling on the field and off his cell phone.

"A military policy of 'Don't ask, don't judge.'

"Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton to 'Hoover' up all the bedbugs.

Golden-chunked socialite Paris Hilton, who helped us get through 2008, has become a bit fame challenged since the country became too busy picking food out of garbage cans to enrapture itself much with the glam shopping sprees and moxieish manhunts of a poor little rich girl. But she's coming back this summer when MTV airs Paris, Not France, a documentary about her that's already played festivals, partly thanks to the inclusion of renowned commentators like...ME! Check out this trailer for the film and wait it out till the 2:22 mark and there I will be, spouting some insightful homily or other.

Way before Paris Hilton became the Maria Callas of the Prada-for-lunch bunch, there was an Andy Warhol superstar named Baby Jane Holzer, who put her blonde tresses to work by singing and even getting on a TV show. Well, maybe you wouldn't actually call it singing--her voice tends to be as thin as Edie Sedgwick, but the song is hypnotically appealing, like something out of the de rigueur cafe scene in any foreign arthouse movie, and as an extra bonus, Jane certainly looks to die for. I know the woman, having met her when she went into real estate years after the Warhol superstar heyday, and I'm thrilled to now own this precious little piece of her past. It's a real kitschy coup.

Constantine Maroulis was a replacement player in The Wedding Singer opposite Broadway baby Amy Spanger, but now he gets to originate a role--once more opposite Ms. Spanger--in the jukebox show Rock of Ages. CLICK HERE on the new column and find out what the Greek-American singer has to say about arena rock, Nickelback, his movie star dreams, and whether he's mad about having been bumped from A.I. a few years ago. In fact, he explains why it happened in the first place!

There's also dish about Sarah Jessica's marriage, Octo-mom's appeal, and why no one cares about Paris Hilton anymore except me!

Not all bold-face names are celebutards who need an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes. Some of them are actually quite brainy, as I--who push tape recorders in their faces on a regular basis--should know. The smartest famous people I've ever interviewed are:

Just a few weeks ago, my BFF Paris Hilton went on and on to me about how happy she was to have such a solid relationship with Benji Madden, her boyfriend of nine whole months, sounding as gushy as a page ripped out of an old Tiger Beat magazine. She kvelled that he's so trustworthy and would never hurt her and they're best friends who tell each other everything and they're so close blah blah fucking blahnik. And then they broke up! Just like that--kaput! The love of Paris's life was suddenly not invited to kneel on her red carpet anymore! He was as over as last season's overpriced handbag. And I felt even more had than Benji probably did.

What next--it's gonna turn out Paris doesn't really read the bible?

Paris Hilton seems to have finally clicked with a guy--Good Charlotte's Benji Madden--so I cornered her last week to ask why the relationship seems to be working better than her and Nicole did. "Please explain," I begged the Teflon socialite. "How do you stay a unit without straying? I'm old-school gay and usually can't stay faithful even for two dates." Like a vision from a fractured fairy tale, she smilingly obliged. The secret, Paris said, as if quoting an old issue of Tiger Beat magazine, is "being with someone who's your best friend and who loves you and won't hurt you. Benji and I have that. We're very close and we tell each other everything. I know he won't hurt me and I won't hurt him. There's a karma when people do things in relationships that are mean."

There IS? NOW you tell me! FUUUUCK!!!

It's in my column this week! Click here and you'll get a gander into Paris's world, as she tells me what it's like to have her face melting off (in her new movie, that is) and how she's grown and developed since her days of partying and jail time. Most importantly, I get to re-ask Larry King's immortal query, "What's your favorite part of the bible?" Click and see the startling way she answers it over a year later!