Tom Cruise Wants To Protect Us From Aliens Living In Our Bodies!

Categories: Tom Cruise

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Now we know why Tom Cruise was jumping up and down on Oprah's couch so emphatically. He was trying to rattle those aliens up inside him and get them to come plopping out!

That must be the same reason he wore assless chaps in Rock of Ages. (And yes, I know "assless chaps" is a redundancy, but I like the sound of it, so hush.)

According to a new book about Scientology, as described by the New York Post, the ultimate mission of Tom and the other Scientologists is to "protect humanity from aliens living in our bodies, who are bent on destroying us and ultimately the planet."

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Tom Cruise's New Lady Hookup Used To Date...

Categories: Tom Cruise

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Seann William Scott, the pasty looking guy from American Pie, say the papers.

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Tom Cruise: I Didn't Audition Girlfriends!

Categories: Tom Cruise

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A Maureen Orth-penned story in the new Vanity Fair goes full speed ahead with a rumor we've long heard--that after Tom Cruise's split with Nicole Kidman in 2001, Scientology conducted a casting call to find a replacement, auditoning women in what was basically the biggest star search since Scarlett O'Hara.

Orth says she has on-the-record sources saying it's all true.

What's more, the story claims that Iranian-born actress Nazanin Boniadi was the choice for his girlfriend in 2004.

(But Nazanin isn't talking all of a sudden. She ain't no Nazaninny.)

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Tom Visits Suri! First Photos!

Categories: Tom Cruise

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He's fresh off Oblivion.

She's fresh off a fender bender that shook her up.

And they're both fresh off the divorce of the century.

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Why Aren't Tom Cruise And John Travolta Better Friends?

Categories: Tom Cruise

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After all, they have so much in common.

They're both movie stars who've gotten second and third winds in their career, despite recent flicks that shall we say underperformed a bit, proving that titles with Rock or Savages don't usually sell on the big screen.

They're both extremely physical in their endeavors, they've both worn long hair for roles, they both grin a lot, and they're both Scientologists with a strong belief in Hubbard's holy scriptures.

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Strange Happenings In Tom Cruise's Building

Categories: Tom Cruise

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First of all, the media is wrong in continually stating that Tom Cruise has a townhouse on 12th Street.

The reality is it's a duplex on 13th Street, in the American Felt Building, where American Psycho author Bret Easton Ellis also lives.

My sources say Tom bought the place after doing Risky Business, so it has sentimental value for him and he'll never get rid of it, even if he's not really there a lot of the time. (And now Katie won't be there at all anymore.)

They also joke that since it's a rooftop duplex, it's easy access to the spaceship.

(It's a big Scientology building.)

But anyway, on a whole other note, there were some icky happenings in the building three years ago.

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Tom and Katie Blah Blah Blah: Here Are My Latest Ravings

Categories: Tom Cruise

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I appeared on the Fox 5 news last night to give my blatherings on the latest round of TomKat gossip, providing the following illustrious quotes:


*"Katie knew this was a Scientology marriage. Of course she may have found it more oppressive than it sounded on paper. So I'm not surprised she's gone back to Catholicism. I think her mother will be very happy!"


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Tom Cruise/Mimi Rogers Dish From The Early Scientology Days

Categories: Tom Cruise

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As you know, Mimi Rogers was the one who introduced Tom Cruise to Scientology, forever changing his life--and ours too.

Well, a source who was around that scene at the time tells me that Mimi acted as crazy-protective of Tom as Tom later did of Katie.

Swears the source:

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Tom Controlled Katie's Life?

Categories: Tom Cruise

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According to a new report, Tom Cruise allegedly kept a close eye on wifey Katie Holmes, sometimes treating her like a fragile possession for whom he needed to call the shots.

He allegedly had a movie studio scrap posters of Katie in a "compromising position."

And he'd insist she fly on his private plane, where she could be watched over, rather than fly with her other cast members.

To which I say:

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The Trouble With The Tom/Katie Divorce Theories

Categories: Tom Cruise

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Everyone's carrying on about how Katie Holmes started becoming oppressed by Scientology and feared that little Suri would get swept up into the whole thing, and she decided that she wanted to protect her precious child!

Huh?

Wasn't that one of the main points of the marriage?

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