As Maria Von Trapp and the Mother Abbess.

And Emma Stone as Liesl von Trapp

And Claire Danes as Sister Margaretta

And Ellen DeGeneres as Uncle Max

And it was directed by Tom Hooper, with lots of loving, crying closeups.

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I'd been invited to cover a competition whereby three comics were going to roast cookbook author and Salman Rushdie's ex, Padma Lakshmi, as if she were curried butternut squash and chickpeas.

My friend and I got there and sat around the foyer waiting for the roasting room to open up, but the publicist who invited me--whom I like a lot--told me he just found out that contractually, no writers were allowed into the roast, just photographers.

Apparently, the producer of the show had spotted me and gotten nervous.

Huh? Why do a press event and not want press? Were they afraid I'd make mean jokes about Padma? But doesn't a roast consist of mean jokes?

And I've been a friend of the Friars and even put them in the last Best of NYC issue!

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Photo by David Shankbone/Wikipeda

This week's column is a rollicking romp of an interview with the queen of mean, Lisa Lampanelli, who's now the queen of lean, having shed over 100 pounds, but not her piercing comic edge.

I addition to what's in the column, I asked Lisa if she's the grand dame of all female comics and here's what she said:

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Photo by David Shankbone/Wikipeda

Hilarious insult lady Lisa Lampanelli is playing the Apollo next Wednesday, which would seem like a sexual lollapalooza for the lady, considering her reputation, except for one thing:

She's married. To a white guy.

In this week's column, Lisa explains to me what she's going to do about that--and also describes the exact extent of her lust for black men in the past.

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Hilariously angsty comic Gilbert Gottfried is coming to Caroline's on Broadway December 20 and Gotham Comedy Club (in a benefit for PS 11) on February 12.

What's more, he has a book out called Rubber Balls and Liquor. (In the flap copy, Gottfried explains that he cares about the sanctity of the written word. "And in my case, those words include fuck, dick, and pussy.")

Gottfried put down his rubber balls for a second and paused to talk with me about the various feathers he's riotously ruffled through the years.

Hi, Gilbert. Will your Carolines show be holiday-related?

It'll be who's ever willing to pay cover and minimum. Any religion is accepted.

And you'll talk about...

It will all be material you can sit around the fireplace with the kids, if your kids are on crystal meth.

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This is from "Judy's Groceries," another video by the same nuts.

In this satirical take on late Hollywood legend Ann Miller by the Punchy Players, Ann's house looks like Louis G. Mayer exploded all over it.

Enter Judy and Liza, who plow through the mounds of corn cob holders, powdered donuts, and Howard Keel, and try to rescue the tapdancing kook from compulsive oblivion.

Trust me.

This short, funny clip is one collectible that was worth excavating.

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Hey, lady!

Get this!

I recently went to see comic legend Jerry Lewis get honored by the SASS Foundation for Medical Research at a Tribeca banquet that mixed solemnity with shtick.

On the way in, a reporter remarked to Jerry that he'd accomplished so much in his career--acting, singing, writing, directing--and wondered, "What's left for you?'

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It existed way before The Daily Show and even before Saturday Night Live!

In fact, a 1962 comedy album starring comedian/impersonator Vaughn Meader was a cultural phenomenon and ended up winning the Grammy for Album of the Year.

And 50 years later, it's back and bigger than ever.

Bob Booker, who coproduced the album and appears on it, just wrote me all about.

Said Bob:

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This week's column is a riotous romp with Billy Eichner, the gay comic who became known for Billy on the Street segments where he accosted New Yorkers and asked them things like "Is Brad Pitt the kind of white guy you'd like to fuck?" and "Rachael Ray is like a little demon stuck inside a goat."

(I know that's not technically a question, but still.)

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The Real Housewives chain gets a really hard yank with this hilarious spoof by the kids of Unitard (David Ilku, Mike Albo, Nora Burns), just in time for Octoberfest.

Unlike the Bravo women, the Dusseldorf ladies are tough, rough, ice cold, and a little bit hairy.

They stand with their hands behind their back waiting for an emotion.

The biggest energy they can summon is to half-heartedly tell one another, "Your spaetzle is hard and dry."

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