(left to right) Pixie, Brenda, Tina, Roxy Brooks. Photo by Justin Luke.

Tina Burner! I don't know how she's going to get up the stairs of all those HK walkups in that gown, but that's her job.

First runner-up was Brenda Dharling, a sexy gal in chiffon and sparkles, while second runner up was Pixie Aventura, a spitfire with Chita Rivera lashes and a shiny beehive. Meanwhile, Tina wore a swimsuit made of condoms, and for her talent did both male and female parts in a way I can't even describe. She earned that tiara!

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Sharon Needles won the fourth season of RuPaul's Drag Race with a witchy mix of ghoulishness and girlishness.

And she's back from the dead once again!

The world's most fabulous corpse is hosting rentboy.com's Hookie Awards for male escorts this Friday, so I strapped her in her coffin and grilled her as if grilling a shish kebab with black eye makeup.

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Kittin Withawhip (left). Photo courtesy of BenStrothmann.com

The annual Glam awards for the best in gay nightlife have gotten so big that they've spawned an offshoot/homage/satire/counter-argument.

The second Slam awards for the worst in nightlife took place at XES last night, and they were a star-spangled riot.

Kittin Withawhip was a funny host, bringing out a slew of fab but underappreciated drag queens to rag on each other while keeping the quips and outfits coming.

Categories included Most Watered Down Drinks (xl won over stiff competition like Industry and Posh), Maybe You Should Lipsynch (a slide of Russell Crowe was trenchantly shown as drag star LeeLee Heavenly won), Biggest Meltdown (Kittin nabbed the prize for some bar brawl or other; who can remember?), and Worst Hole (a sloppy drag queen named Ari Kiki amazingly beat dives like Ninth Street Saloon and the Cock).

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Bianca del Rio is a foul-mouthed, bitter, and hilarious drag queen who cuts people down in incorrect ways that have them howling with laughter.

The New Orleans-born scamp (a/k/a Roy Haylock) may be the real Beast of the Southern Wild.

And she might finally have found a big screen vehicle to house her outsized talents (and lashes).

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Drag star Hedda Lettuce entertained that theory in her holiday show, "Lettuce Rejoice," which I saw at the Metropolitan Room last night.

In fact, Hedda sang a whole song about it, to the tune of "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town."

(Sample lyrics, aimed at poor Madge: "You'd better watch out, you'd better not cry/No more tampax 'cause your vajayjay's bone dry/Menopause is coming to town...")

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Bar d'O was a gay-drenched downtown restaurant which lit up the '90s with a live, intimate cabaret show that was racy, soulful, and right up on your plate.

The place closed, but fortunately it never really went away. For eight years, Indochine has been hosting Bar d'O reunion shows, and the one last night was so hot it put the "oh" back in Bar d'O.

I saw two of the three sets and can report that Sherry Vine belted "Burlesque" (even doing a taste of Cher), and offered hilarious satirical songs about water sports, Grindr, and Joe Manganiello.

Flotilla DeBarge seemed to be channeling a cross between Nell Carter and Eartha Kitt as she gaily improvised through Motown classics and Christmas chestnuts. When the lights accidentally went out at one point, Flo yelled, "Is this because I'm black? Start the song again! I've got Al Sharpton on speed dial!"

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Photo by Gustavo Monroy for Next magazine

Hot Mess is the highly entertaining drag revue every Friday night at xl, hosted by the wickedly funny duo Bianca del Rio and Lady Bunny.

Or at least it was.

Gossip in the drag bars had it that Bunny dropped out of the show, citing backstage melodrama and the fact that it's a lot of work--"as much work as Wigstock," she's supposedly deadpanned, referring to the gigantic drag festival Bunny used to organize every year.

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Writing a good blurb is an art form unto itself, one I've been working at for years as I crank out quote lines for plays, movies, and books, always aiming to be zingy yet entirely accurate.

But one year, I found that every blurb I wrote seemed to have "romp" in it.

("A lovely retro romp"; "a no-holds-barred sexy romp"; and so on until I romped my way right out of blurbing for a while.)

But now I'm back and willing to learn something from a master:

Comic actor Leslie Jordan.

Here's what that pert little pixie drummed up as a blurb for The Screw You Revue, a drag show that's coming to the Duplex:

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Photo: Wilson Models for xl

Omnipresent drag performer Tina Burner hosts Mixtape Mondays at Vlada, Tuesday night drag contests at Posh Bar, STD Wednesdays at Barracuda (with Dallas DuBois), and "Queen" Thursdays at Industry Bar.

And on Friday, she rests.

I caught up with Tina on a rare off moment to get some insight into drag domination.

Hi, Tina. Where did you learn how to dance?

I trained as a tap dancer most of my childhood, but I think some of my slick moves come from Darren's Dance Grooves and a mean workout to Zumba on my X Box Kinect.

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Yesterday, I wrote about how Carnival advised patrons who'd paid for a "Drag Stars at Sea" cruise, which will feature drag performers, that they are not to dress in drag or they will be kicked off the boat with no refund!

The reason? They don't want to upset the children!!!!

After some backlash over that absurdity, Carnival altered its stance to say that it's actually a post-9/11 safety restriction that makes them forbid customers from being in drag.

(I guess, fearing for some kind of Cuba Gooding Jr.-type movie come to life, they don't want any sexuality surprises at sea!

And we know what a big problem it is when terrorists hide out as the opposite sex.

I wonder if Carnival bans burkas too.)

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