​At the New York Film Critics Circle Awards last night, critics' chairman Armond White brought up 'Black Swan' director Darren Aronofsky to present an honor to his cinematographer.

Immediately, Aronofsky seemed to be channeling his own black swan.

"Keep it up," he said to White, "because you give us all another reason not to read New York Press."

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​That's the new romantic comedy with The Facts of Life's Mindy Cohn as a fruit fly trying to find a suitable partner.

Says writer/costar Jesse Archer:

"Fag hag attendance was off the charts--a 98% chance of hag at that party.

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​BearCity, a sweet and funny love story set among the gay bear community, with assorted twinks thrown in for good measure, opens tomorrow night at the Quad, and if you prod your eyes open with clothespins and don't blink, Clockwork Orange-style, you MIGHT just see my nano-second of a cameo, shot on the rooftop of the beloved Eagle.

Or you can just look at the above still -- but again, don't blink.

And don't think I normally tweak bears' nipple clamps if there isn't a camera around.

​The ninth annual Tribeca Film Festival starts Wednesday, and though the opening feature is the pretty mainstream Shrek Forever After, a lot of the rest of the lineup is "edgy" and quirky and plays with gender as much as most film critics tend to play with themselves.

There's Ticked-off Trannies With Knives, which has ticked off GLAAD.

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​Going to a gala movie premiere as a journalist can be an even worse chore than actually sitting through the movie.

If you're lucky enough to get a spot on the red carpet, you're pushed and jostled by barbarians from obscure media outlets like shamelessstalker.net and totalmoron.org, who are desperate to get soundbites like "This prequel was a labor of love" from people best known as supporting voiceovers on Adult Swim.

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​The email scribblings of someone covering the Toronto Film Festival were somehow forwarded to me as if by magic--or maybe it's just more spam--and it's my journalistic duty to pass them on to you, by way of an insider's report card that's leakable to the entire world. And so, dear readers:

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I worship movies with shock endings because after I see them at early screenings, I get to run around telling all my friends the twists and ruining the experience for them! I love being a big, old spoiler queen. In 1992, I ran through the streets of Times Square yelling "The chick has a dick!" and in '99, I scampered around Tribeca and other populated parts bellowing "They're already dead!"

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Quentin Crisp was the frilly British poufter who ceaselessly spouted aphorisms, his wit hiding the fact that he had come of age through oppression and abuse in puritanical England. In the '70s, he came to New York to do a live show and stayed, showering us with his wisdoms, hats, and weird viewpoints.

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Partly Private, "the first funny film on the topic of male circumcision," is premiering on April 25 at the Tribeca Film Festival. How's that for a tip, ba dum pum? I bet they serve head cheese at the premiere party.

Sorry for the jokes, folks, but as you can see, circumcision makes me a tad uncomfortable. I can still remember mine--ouch--but it was well worth it since most guys won't even touch something unless it's 10% off.

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I'm a sucker for those weepy Lifetime movies (I'm a big fan of Markie Post), so I was there for last week's premiere of Living Proof, an uplifter about the real-life trials for a breast cancer drug that ended up saving lotsa lives. Yes, Lifetime has premieres now! And even an after-dinner at the Plaza! The star of the movie, Harry Connick, Jr., was there (fresh off playing the dreamy breast doctor) and so was one of his costars Bernadette Peters, who performed "No One Is Alone," even drowning out the sound of clanking forks and CD-grabbing.

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