Watch me sparkle--and thrill to my two phone messages too.

Yes, I give good oral.

I'm about to be a T-shirt.

And perhaps most usefully of all, I'm a dining room table!

The table was painted years ago by the fast and furiously on target Antony Zito and the small figures are by John Ross.

Come by for din din and eat it off my smirk.

It doesn't get any more painless than this promo I did for Sky vs. Sky, a web chat show which will make you Sky-high--especially if you watch it while guzzling Skyy vodka.

Enjoy.

It's like a gay "Where's Waldo?"

And yet there it is, as you chomp your fine cuisine at Co-op Food & Drink at the Rivington Hotel.

Mao PR

It starts off really nice, mind you:

"He dishes the dirt and minces no words. His use of circle endings, double entendres, catty sense of humor, and witty in-jokes brings laughter out of the young, most of the middle-aged, and many of the older.

I was so full of gratitude at the "You Like Me!" show consisting of performers re-creating famously effusive awards acceptance speeches over at Ars Nova.

I was mainly grateful that in doing the 1999 speech Susan Lucci gave after copping the Emmy on her 19th try, I remembered every single word without having to resort to cheat sheets or embarrassing shrieks of "Line!"

Derek Storm

I wore the above stunning ensemble put together by Christian Freedom (which photographer Derk Storm feels qualifies me for a role in the next Twilight flick).

So all you peons will officially address me as Sir Michael from now on! You hear?

But wait a royal minute.

Some pounds ago, I used my finest method acting skills to interpret Diana Ross songs as the lead singer of the Must, my '80s band looking back at '60s Motown hits complete with sparkly outfits and lavish arm gestures.

And one of my most out-there diva moments happened at the Gabriel Rotello-produced revue Downtown Dukes & Divas.

And lordy, how I wished I hadn't Binged myself yesterday.

Because a guy from Canada -- a country I've visited and been celebrated in more than once -- had this little horror to tweet:

The result is titillatingly entertaining and not at all unlucky!

And get a load of the introduction she wrote for me!