Lots of plays and movies enter into the category of "love/hate"--i.e., people worship at their feet or find them utterly repellent, but no one thinks they're just OK.

For example, Oz, The Great and Powerful, Spring Breakers, Twilight, and The Tree of Life come to mind as classic love/hate movies, whereas on Broadway, cultural lightning rods include The Lion King, Wicked, Jekyll & Hyde, and from what I'm hearing, the new show about the Virgin Mary. Also, Cirque du Soleil and, I don't know, Richard Simmons.

I admit that if I do hate something, it's with a rabid distaste that borders on a war declaration.

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I find them a little of both. Just like clowns, Pierrots--in all their harlequined, Mardi Gras-esque single-teardrop poignancy--are so adorable I want to kitchen-magnet them onto my fridge, and yet so precious at times I fear I might barf up the room.

Here's a bunch for you to munch on and decide for yourself. Pierr-oh-boy!

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I can answer that: 31!

By time I hit that age, it was long past the era when everyone thought 30 equals death.

For me, it was clearly a new beginning, a period of comfort, when I felt I'd hit my stride careerwise and could relax into my job and life.

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What would they be?

It would be extremely difficult for me to whittle the choices down to just five, but let's play this sadistic little game, for the hell of it. Here come my death-defying picks:

*Vanilla ice cream. Even from a fast-food chain. I'd add lots and lots of rainbow sprinkles, but that would be using up a slot, so let's not. Just a heaping bowl of soft vanilla ice cream, thank you, with lots of "nakkins" on the side.

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She's a successful music star.

Her image involves lots of love and light.

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A regular on the All That Chat board (filled with Broadway dishers) had this to say:

"The last time an Argentinian came out on a big balcony in a white dress, she sang 'Don't Cry For Me, Argentina'.

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On Oscar night, Beasts of the Southern Wild's Quvenzhane Wallis triumphed, looking fab in her old lady gown and puppy bag, and answering all the questions lobbied at her all night as if she'd been in the business for decades.

And now she's going to play Little Orphan Annie in another movie of the hit musical Annie.

But who can be the mean, girl-hating orphanage lady Miss Hannigan, which is every bit as important a part in its own nutty way?

Well, someone on the All That Chat board has a suggestion, and I happen to think it's a good one:

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You'd have to be sick not to think this trim, feisty gazelle was totally hawt!

For years, we've had to listen to that lame argument, "If we have gay marriage, what next...marrying your pet?"

No, haters. Same-sex marriage keeps things within the same species--unlike a lot of your own relationships.

But let's just go along with the stupidity for some wacky fun, and figure which animals would make the best spouses, if we were forced to enter the wildlife dating pool. Here are your choices:

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There's one Republican poll that claims 3.3% of Americans are "that way," but before you buy that, please realize there are so many other factors.

A) Some people don't identify themselves with a sexuality label, aren't sure which label they might fit into, and/or don't want to say.

B) There's something called the closet.

C) The poll was done by Republicans.

I'd say a figure of 33% is more accurate, but maybe I'm living in a tiny bit of a bubble compared to the rest of the country.

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I'm still obsessed with the relentlessly gloomy death-of-a-party character once played so winningly--no, that might not be the right word--by Rachel Dratch on Saturday Night Live.

Debbie really hit close to home because we all know this kind of nut:

The type that can burst your fun bubble and suck all the energy out of the room with a quick dose of Ingmar Bergmanesque bleakitude.

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