Pope Benedict XVI is taking off his pretty dress and stepping down, which has led to all sorts of speculations, laments, and mostly, jokes.

Like this one from @frankieboyle:

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Religions get very touchy when they perceive media slights. (See Scientology, All right, don't see Scientology.)

So when the New York Times wrote an obit for Reverend Sun Myung Moon, Unification Church leaders got agitated, saying, for one thing, that the paper's use of the word "Moonies" was very bad form.

In an open letter to the Times' executive editor, they say:

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David Miscavige, the world-traveling ecclesiastical leader of Scientology

The magazine's Maureen Orth ran a quite sizzling piece about the religion and now they're fighting back.

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Well, at least it was sex with himself.

But still, it was near a children's playground, which was probably not the smart thing for Reverend Grant Storms to do, especially since Storms is known for riling up the New Orleans people for his "perversions weeps" targeting gays and other alleged sinners.

Storms' lawyers had a great argument, though.

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This wonderfully crude little spoof of tele-vaginism dubs a rather gruff voice for the heaven-sent Jan Crouch and puts dirty words--and other things--in her mouth:

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And he doesn't mean just gerbil babies!

Thanks to the Christian Nightmares site, here's the esteemed Pat's message in regard to the anti-biblical protest that's been raging against Chick Fil-A:

"I defy these homosexuals to bring forth a baby from that part of the anatomy which they concentrate on.

"When that happens, I will change everything I'm saying."

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You know, I go on vacation for just one tiny week, and so very much happens.

Like Christian puppeteer Ronald William Brown gets arrested for possession of child porn and conspiring to kidnap a child whom he allegedly fantasized about cannibalizing.

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Loving, caring Katie Holmes has reportedly gone back to Roman Catholicism and she's taken Suri with her.

As a lapsed Catholic, I have to ask: Is that really better than Scientology?

And the answer would be: Yeah, a little bit.

The Church has started holy wars, destroyed lives, demonized gays, oppressed women, and caused major problems in the world for centuries, all while preaching biblical messages of love and peace.

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Before you answer, let me remind you of exactly what they are, since you might not have thought about them as readily as when they were drummed into your noggin as a petulant child.

Here goes:

1. You shall have no other gods before Me.

2. "You shall not make for yourself a carved image," blah blah, "you shall not bow down to them nor serve them," blah blah.

3. You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.

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We're all going to hell, kids!

And in my case it's OK, because a whole slew of washed-up sitcom and sketch-comedy "stars" have said I'm going there already, in a first-class seat.

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