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Does committing a crime come off any less awful if the perpetrator happens to be hot-looking?

No! In fact, it makes it even sadder and more pointless.

After all, if you're attractive, people would have just given you things!

You didn't have to steal and/or break other important laws.

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​I remember presenting at an awards show that was so badly organized and boring I couldn't help cracking to the audience, "The people in Haiti are luckier than we are right now. At least they're not here!"

This was in the middle of devastating earthquakes, by the way.

Am I proud of that remark? Maybe not, but dark humor is my specialty and I've done enough to battle oppression to be able to toss off some risque remarks with the clear intention that, "This is a joke! And it's not a joke against the victims. Not if you have any sense of irony or hyperbole!"

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​Broadway's currently previewing Spider-Man: Turn off The Dark has been plagued with so much bad press and rotten luck (and possibly hubris) that they should win international kudos if they manage to limp to opening night, let alone to triumph.

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​In 1957, Kay Thompson agreed to let her classic Eloise tale of a bratty girl living at the Plaza get made into a TV movie, as long as she retained full creative control -- sort of like Eloise herself.

The result was a bigger mess than Charlie Sheen's suite at the same hotel.

According to Sam Irvin's new book, Kay Thompson: From 'Funny Face' to 'Eloise':

Kay handpicked the film's perfectly named little star, Evelyn Rudie.

But in the midst of rehearsals, the author -- who'd stepped down from the Nanny role because it wasn't glam enough -- decided she should do the voice of the seven-year-old!

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Sarah Palin's TLC show Sarah Palin's Alaska is a touching, beautiful tribute to the state Palin basically said "fuck you" to by dropping out of the governorship to grab more money and power.

Well, in defending the show on Facebook, her 16-year-old daughter Willow Palin told someone, "Your so gay" and "you such a [f word]."

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Kelsey Grammer wants you pregnant.

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Kelsey Grammer is a conservative Republican (though he has arguably OK views on gay marriage that have coincided with his appearance in Broadway's La Cage aux Folles).

And he has some interesting family values of his own, it turns out.

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​As the gossip rages on about which washed-up celebrity will be the next judge on American Idol, the real news about the show is that one-time winner Fantasia Barrino just recovered from a messy suicide attempt.

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​Barbra Streisand released a statement about how she's been kvelling over the ruling that reversed Proposition 8, but that was yesterday.

Today my mailbag shows that activist/author Larry Kramer isn't having it.

Larry vividly remembers how Babs was supposed to direct a movie of his 1985 play The Normal Heart back when it could have made a huge difference, but she never got around to it.

Instead, Larry notes, the high-flying auteur went on to make far less urgent fare like Nuts and The Mirror Has Two Faces.

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In a new article, ABCnews.com investigates the wall of privacy Jodie Foster has long put up as a child star who became an adult star and the target of a psycho's obsessions (in addition to the obsessions of many normal people).

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​Last night's Countdown With Keith Olbermann was the scene of much amusing yet pointed banter between Keith and myself about the absurd behavior of Baptist minister Charles Rekers, who got paid to testify against gay adoption, but who basically adopted his own male hustler for a squalid jaunt to Europe.

Rekers could give closet gay homophobes a bad name!

Enjoy the clip, then pay me $200 and leave a chocolate on the pillow.

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