I have been trying to switch from Dish Network to Time Warner Cable for a while. I can get digital phone and so many other great things (the package that has over 160 channel also comes with a wife that really listens.) The Time Warner people have come three times. The first two times they said they needed to get to my downstairs neighbor's garden and also my neighbor in the building next door to install cable. No matter how much I wanted 12 channels of aggressive, uninformed news beamed straight into my house, I was not going to be able to convince two neighbors to stay home from work— unless I offered to make my special casserole! (A great plot for a sitcom, especially if I accidentally use hallucinogenic 'shrooms — but, in real life, totally ineffective.)

So I had essentially given up. Sure, I booked an appointment for Saturday. Maybe my neighbors would be home? 4:30 p.m. The Cable Man arrived. Unlike the other two, he had a giant drill and all his cable installation things with him. I start explaining to him that the other two cable people said you need to go to my neighbors . . . He's not listening. He's just looking around. He points to the window by my kitchen.

"Can you move that stuff?"

"Yes."

"I'll just jump to the roof."

"I'm sorry?"

"I'm going to jump to that roof. I can install it if I get to that pole."

"Okay."

It wasn't insanely dangerous, but if he fell, he'd fall one story. And it was cable. It wasn't that important. Except to him. This cable man would not be stopped. He did it. He jumped to the roof and now I have cable television, a cable modem, and soon, digital phone. Thanks super-tough-ass-kicking-cable-man. Below are some photos to give you an idea of the perils involved.

Also, here is the phone call of me canceling Dish Network. I'm sure many cable companies charge fees for weird crap, but I always found it annoying whenever I would cancel some programming Dish would charge me for it. They'd call me with some promotion and I'd get Showtime for a few months, decide I didn't want it, and they'd charge me $5 to get rid of it. I always felt that they just wanted in a sort of passive aggressive way to squeeze money out of you. Anyway, I think this phone call demonstrates that they do in fact want to do that.

Listen to the phone call.