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by Eugene Mirman | email: emirman@villagevoice.com

A No-Frills Guide to Doing Standup

Posted by Eugene Mirman at 5:34 PM, March 9, 2006

People often ask me how does someone become a comedian? How do you write a joke, and in general how comics come up with their persona, material and so on. I'm not sure. It's different for everyone, but I'm going to try and take a stab at some of the more universal elements. There are basically five things every comedian does at some point. I'll try to list them. The rest is up to you.

1) The first thing you have to decide is what kind of comedian you want to be. There are seven basic categories—"The Surprise!," "The Zing," "The Flip-a-Roo," "The Bam!," "The Shit NO!" "Voicies" and the "Hmmm?-HAHA."

Obviously, just like with colors, styles can be mixed to create variations. I mostly do "Hmmm?-HAHA-Flip-a-Roo-Zings." While David Cross is a "Surprise!-Voicies-Shit NO!" comedian. Demetri Martin has popularized the "Hmmm?-HAHA-Surprise." Dane Cook is known for his "Bam!" humor (sorry to those who thought he did "Flip-a-Roos.") Robin Williams is a "Surprise!-Voicies-Zing-Flip-a-Roo-Bam!" comedian, making him at times difficult to follow (i.e. some of the radio-montages in Good Morning Vietnam.) The only exceptions to this are Jon Benjamin and Jon Glaser who exclusively do "HOLY-MOLY" humor.

2) How likable are you? Likability is a big part of standup. No matter how good your jokes are, people have to want to hear them. Where do you fall on a 1 to 10 scale, with 1 being as likable as Kim Jung-il and 10 being A Baby That Commands the Same Respect as Bono. You need to at least be a 6 to do it, and an 8 or higher for television, excluding Metro channel. If you are unlikable, you can do some of the following things to be more likable—sneak up on people and push them down—especially at your job, get a Bow Flex, take a cooking class, etc.

3) What makes you mad? Are you ready to go break some taboos (for instance—rape-shmape)? The government (full of bullshit makers!)? Girls (so tricky!)? Boys (simple and sex something!)? Catholics (guilty like Jews)? Those little things in the box that always don't work and you're like, "Thing?! Who designed this thing?!"

4) What will you wear? Your clothes let people know who you are. For instance, George Carlin always wears a hat, generally a golf cap, but sometimes one of those cool kangaroo hats. Paul F. Tompkins always wears a suit. Todd Barry performs in his lucky bandana.

5) Finally, what do you plan to do with your comedy? Do you want to brighten people's days? Do you want to criticize a celebrity (some are spoiled, while others made music videos a decade ago that now seem outdated)? Are you going to use your comedy as a corrective tool for society or an individual? Choose one or two of those. Great. Good luck.

Now all that's left is writing out some material, going to an open mic and trying it out. Have fun. The first time is usually great, because many audiences are supportive. There is one exception to these rules. If you're an actor wanting a new avenue to be seen by the industry, you probably just want a "development set"—basically a set that spells out your sitcom for industry. In that case, here you go:

Your sister is gay, your brother is a robot, and your parents were hippies and you have to take care of everyone! But you're a comedian! You're not responsible. Your neighbor is a Shaolin Monk with mystical powers who helps you. Good luck. Make the stories real and don't forget to act out all the characters.

comments

All true. But in addition, you could read my books - "How To Be A Working Comic: An Insider's Guide To A Career In Comedy" and "Comedy FAQs And Answers: How The Stand-Up Biz Really Works." Carlin's in it talking about how to write comedy - but he's not wearing a hat...
Keep Laughing!
Dave Schwensen (author)

Posted by: Dave at March 9, 2006 7:56 PM

My neighbour is a Shaolin Monk, but he doesn't help me at all. Mostly he steals the carrots from my garden and frightens the local children.

Posted by: Trista at March 10, 2006 12:01 AM

You idiot.. George Carlin nevers wears a frickin' hat. He wears all black.

Posted by: Jared Soldiviero at March 10, 2006 4:27 AM

I first read that as "rap-shmape," which is a topic more outrageous women should tackle.

Posted by: Kyria at March 11, 2006 10:52 AM

Eugene-

Finally, a framework to categorize comedy that really works! All these years of struggling to explain to my mom that Dennis Miller and Mort Sahl are really comprised of the same elements. No more messes with ethnic, religious, and racial classifications, that never work the way their advertised.

I was hesitant at first, but then I had the task of explaining my favorite comic to a girl I was dating. She was appalled until I explained that Doug Stanhope employs the The Zing, Flip-a-Roo-Shit No's, and the Hmmm?-HAHA.

Thanks Eugene! You broke my bad luck streak, and for that I am grateful!

Yours Truly

Timmy

Posted by: Timmy Smith at March 12, 2006 2:11 PM

If you can't see Carlin's hat, you're just not getting him.

See the hat, man.

Posted by: Curtin at March 14, 2006 12:14 PM

Eugene,

There is some kinds of comedy you didn't mention in your list, namely black comedy, woman comedy, and sympathy comedy.

Black Comedy goes: black people and white people are different. If black people had been on the Titanic they wouldn't have played in a band.

Woman Comedy goes: men don't put the toilet seat down and I hate them and I'm not having my period, it's called an opinion. You're an asshole. Dating sucks.

Sympathy Comedy goes: my wife and I just had a baby, so if you don't laugh at everything else I say you're being mean to my baby who never even had a chance.

Thanks everything else is perfect.

Posted by: Worker #3116 at March 14, 2006 2:28 PM

Dave Schwensen's a douche.

Posted by: Michele at March 14, 2006 10:02 PM

worker #3116 just kicked your ASS eugene.

Posted by: cinde at March 15, 2006 4:57 PM

i hope that wasn't to malicious

Posted by: cinde at March 15, 2006 4:58 PM

Ok. I'll admit. I havent read the post yet and just wanted some "face time" on your luxurious plight.

Does this make me a carpet bagger? And what IS a carpet bagger, without thinking? Hmm?

Rush Rush and the winter back to autumn is lush.
Wootwoo.

Garsh. Don't post this. Har har har har har har.

Posted by: BennyNailbiter at March 15, 2006 5:27 PM

No, first buy my book "The Dave Schwensen Method of Shameless Self-Promotion Via Blog Comments".
--Steve Schwensen (Author and Evil Twin of Dave Schwensen)

Posted by: Steve at March 19, 2006 11:57 PM

I think rule number one of being a comedian should be: Be funny. I don't think throwing random words together which might sound funny counts. I know what woould be funny... heckling you at your day job!

Posted by: Franklin Jones at March 27, 2006 10:50 AM

I see that you monitor your comments to filter out the negative ones... is that because of your stunted sense of humor?

Posted by: Franklin Jones at March 27, 2006 10:52 AM

The guy who did the thing about "Black Comedy" and "Woman Comedy" forgot the WAY more popular "Man Comedy," which is basically just "Oh men and women are SOOO different! My wife nags me! Nag nag nag! Once you get married you don't get blowjobs! I like strippers! And beer! Here is a list of silly things women do to impress assholes like me because we live in a culture that forces them to spend money on shit like fashion and makeup if they want to be accepted into mainstream society. What bitches!"

There is also the new wave of "Blue Collar Comedy," which now has grown so big (unfortunately) deserves a category of its own. It's simple: "Oh look at me! I'm a white trash, ignorant piece of shit that mechanics from Alabama think is 'cutting edge' because I call Arabs "towelheads" and homosexuals "fags." I'm just a humble, workin'-class, blue-collar, white trash poor fuck, just like ya'll, except for the mansion I bought with the millions of dollars I made off the CDs and TV shows in which I talk about what a humble, workin'-class, blue-collar, white trash poor fuck I am. Hah hah, suckers!"

Posted by: Captain Awesome at April 11, 2006 1:48 PM

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