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blog

Stories

 

You've Won a Free, Annoying Cruise! (We're Lying.)

By Eugene Mirman, Tuesday, Apr. 11 2006 @ 4:58PM
Comments (12)

I get a lot of wrong numbers and telemarketers calling my landline. People frequently try to fax things meant to go to a hospital to my house. I'm not really sure why. I don't mind though. If I'm busy, I tell telemarketers to calls back. And if not, I talk to them and try to understand what they want. My favorite thing about most new telemarketing companies is that a recording will call you. The recorded person is often informal and just wants to be your pal. In this case, it was someone named Casey. He claims to have convinced his company that because people hate filling out surveys, they should send those who agree on a cruise. They also seem to be trying to sell me health care. Anyway, here is the call.

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Comments (12)

cinde says:

eugene, you have a cell phone and a security device but no health insurance?
what's wrong with you? no wonder effed up states like mass are making laws for manditory health insurance--because retards like you won't get it unless someone makes you!!
it's not like you're a spring chicken eugene. more like a winter cow or turkey. take a look man...something is going to catch up with you soon ...the pot smoking, the over eating, the binge drinking in front of minors..who's gonna pay when you have a kidney stone or psycotic episode? the scary company wanting to disappear you to the bahamas for "3 days"???
hmm maybe they would be good choice for meds...

Posted On: Wednesday, Apr. 12 2006 @ 12:28PM
cinde says:

eugene, you're so thick and dull!!!
my last comment wasn't malicious, i was being sarcastic you SPAZ!!


you know, t.w. can't say SPAZ
but i can if you let me :)


>>>but when i say thick and dull i mean hot :)

Posted On: Friday, Apr. 14 2006 @ 12:49PM
cinde says:

and i'm way passed my first comment

what gives??????

you don't like my comments-- that's it.
well you have no idea who i am, so i guess that's fine.
stuck up newyorker

Posted On: Friday, Apr. 14 2006 @ 12:53PM
BennyNailbiter says:

Cinde if you are a real person I need to tell you a few ideas.

There are alot of funny guys out here in the "snookers lookers" section of Net Earth.

Choosing the hat of your choice is wisest when summing through a gajillion comment misdemeanors, i.e. Evelyn Waugh's comic Scene, yes.

Taking your close off, by saying Eugenius doesn't know who you be is actually acurate yet unrewarding to viewers. As my aka states, Worryhorse, it's always best to fidget towards a stand up attempt.

In essence, this is Eugene's fan from way back wanting to share a few ideas, if that's at all tossable. Cinde are you with me in my sense of what a comix delux should thrive to??? Let me know at 7 a.m. At the Far Rockaway Supa Foods deli, Thurs. April 20, 2006. See you bravefarts then silly bottoms !!!!! Har har har har har. Benny Nailbiter aka Worryhorse

Posted On: Saturday, Apr. 15 2006 @ 10:59PM
cinde says:

whatever eugene,

this is cinde and i'm not going to just sit here and post crazy comments all day like i'm talking to myself.

i'm going to get a smoothie.
okay, back to the comments.

you're stuck up and you're going to die from something some day and then everyone's going to be like cinde was right, and if only eugene had ever listened to her.

you are the spaz, spazmatazz.

Posted On: Monday, Apr. 17 2006 @ 9:50AM
cinde says:

hey!!!

i gave up trying to get eugene to post my comments and i come back to this? i'm left hanging for days and now i get all this?
i'm totally flattered.

but i hate smoothies, so don't go tryin' to be a poser.

and nailbiter:
i think anything is tossable, and i do see whatcher sayin' about fidgeting towards being funny, but i'm afraid i only have 17 hours to get to the far rockaway supa foods deli and i'm pretty sure i'm not gonna make it...

sorry, no aka, or hat(?) unless one of you supa funny guys comes up with one for me. i'm fine with my "close" off in front of eugenius.

hahahaha

the real cinde

Posted On: Wednesday, Apr. 19 2006 @ 4:28PM
BennyNailbiter (akaWorryhorse) says:

I just saw Eugene on comedy central Cinde!!! Har dee har har it was flippin riotous.

So there!!! Nar dee na na na na.

He was on the Demetri Martin special. Great job Eugene you fairy!!!!

Posted On: Wednesday, Apr. 19 2006 @ 5:32PM
cinde says:

oooh i'm even MORE flattered now that i know that worker 3116 took the time to be a
poser
poser
poser
all hail worker 3116
the funniest snooker looker


you can't see me prostrating myself
but i am

Posted On: Wednesday, Apr. 19 2006 @ 7:04PM
Michele says:

this is just a bucket full of awkward.

Posted On: Thursday, Apr. 20 2006 @ 12:40AM
quixotic says:

Doesn't it usually go the other way around? Like, I sell cruises and I set up a marketing scheme with a shitty gift included if you listen/read to the incredibly great things you do on my cruises (or fill in a survey). Another absurd factor in the combination, I suppose.

Posted On: Thursday, Apr. 20 2006 @ 8:23AM
PaulFinland says:

Hello Eugene!

I have read quite a lot of your comments since I discovered the VillageVoice, and maybe we should call your particular style of dealing with subjects Eugenetics :) Fortunately on this side of the atlantic they still use humans for telemarketing.

Posted On: Friday, Apr. 21 2006 @ 2:40AM
Tim Macking says:

I've won a few too many cruises! The first time I thought it was real as I had entered something at the mall in Paramus. After they left me countless messages saying I won, I checked into it. They wanted WAY too much money to get the dates I wanted, etc. Come to find out some timeshare got my name, thought I had too much money to spend. Then the phone didn't stop ringing... Tim Macking - Rutgers - Visiting...

Posted On: Friday, May. 26 2006 @ 7:52AM

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