I recently got a call from a polling firm asking me how I felt about the crisis in the Middle East (Actually, I feel pretty good. Things are finally going according to my plan—that's right, fools!—who do you think has been pulling the neo-cons strings? Me. Like a Sith Lord I have also been directing Hezbollah through a series of re-routed late night drunken texts! Fools! Never listen to military commands that are preceded with the phrase 'What r u up to?"). Anyway, this polling firm wanted me to rate countries, leaders, and organizations (considered by many to be either sneaky or dangerous) on a scale of 1 to 100. I did what I could to help this Shadow Polling company understand what Americans thought could or could not be blown up around the world—and why! Here is the call.

comments

eugene you are genius.
please come to toronto and stay...for life!
love
b.

Posted by: bryan at September 14, 2006 2:59 PM

I used to work for one of these political survey places, and had a blast doing them. "How would you rate George W. Bush as a president? Would you say: He's the greatest human being to ever exist? That he's the best president ever, after Reagan. Or that He's doing a pretty good job" It was especially fun when we'd be forced to call old people late at night waking them up to ask their opinions on senate races that they knew nothing about.

Posted by: ryan at September 15, 2006 3:30 PM

Despite your laziness when it comes to blogging (admit it, dude), I continue to believe you're a genius in the area of mocking telemarketing. Your last post -- specifically, the Ehud Olmert/hot omelet part -- should be mandatory in every anti-stress medical treatment.

So, in order to contribute, I've done some research and here are a couple of links to companies where you can op-in to telemarketing consumer lists:

http://www.prospectsinfluential.com/content/about/telemarketing.shtml

http://www.americanprofiles.com/mailinglists/consumerlists.htm

(For more, just google "telemarketing lists").

It's a win-win scenario: you will receive more calls, thus have more material for your parodies, thus more potential revenues, and we, your faithful followers, will enjoy more of your art.

Posted by: quixotic at September 18, 2006 7:53 AM

Eugene, hilarious! Thanks for the laugh, man.

Posted by: MB at September 24, 2006 9:31 PM

Extrordinary!
The vapid nature of ALL polling has been pissing me off for years. Rest assured that I'll employ the Eugene method the next time I'm bothered by these leeches.

Posted by: bob at September 26, 2006 10:52 AM