Heely-Wearers: Repent or Perish!

Posted by Nina Lalli at 3:59 PM, August 23, 2007

In our little rant about men's fashion don'ts the other day, we didn't even mention the ultimate deal-breaker, the chastity belt of modern footwear: the Heely. Did you know they make them for adults? That doesn't mean it's OK, fellers. They made Segways and raver pants, too, but that was no excuse. Clearly it's not OK to roll around on sneakers that look like Sketchers for the handicapped. It should go without saying, but, we keep seeing you guys. One of our neighbors has a big bumper sticker on her front door that says : JESUS IS COMING! REPENT OR PERISH! When we pass by, we usually shrug and say to ourselves "Eh, I'll take perish," but now that phrase comes to mind in earnest. SAVE YOURSELVES!

Dude Fashion: Dealbreakers

Posted by Nina Lalli at 3:41 PM, August 20, 2007

Here's an all-too familiar scenario: You're on the subway going home after another suck-ass day in the cubicle, and you're bored. A subway boyfriend would really help pass the time, and that tall drink of water who just got on is looking promising. Until he turns around and reveals his Chinese character neck tattoo, or until you scroll down to his stone-washed, wide-legged jeans and weird European sneakers. Why can't men just wear something normal, like non-distressed jeans and a non-shiny shirt of some sort?

My friends think I'm being harsh when I say these are deal breakers. But I'm pretty sure there is no way a guy wearing such sneakers could possibly not be lame. True, if I were a dude, and this was some cute chick with hideous fashion sense, I'd probably do her anyway, but I can't get passed it. What are your deal breakers, ladies? Let's try to help the dudes out.

Being the Fashion Police, Without Getting Up

Posted by Nina Lalli at 5:57 PM, July 30, 2007

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A very sophisticated and cultured friend brought to our attention a new way to slack off at work. Oh, wait, this is our job. Kind of. Ugly Outfits New York is a mean blog that makes fun of people's clothes. What more do you need to know?

Fine, here's the mission statement:

The Staff at Ugly Outfits New York is dedicated to outing every wrong ensemble in New York City. We won’t stop as long as there are chippies and hipsters armed with the dangerous combo of fashion magazines and credit cards. The Tokyo bureau is scheduled to open in the fall of this year and our children’s children will continue to school the fashion retarded until all the Uggs on the planet have been eliminated. To The Cause!