Now Hiring: Cesare Casella, Laurent Tourondel, and some "crazy, sexist crookz"
by Christopher Schmitt
Apparently, a disgruntled employee spent $25 to warn others not to take a barista job on the Lower East Side. S/he also put in a lot of time translating English into a complex computer-robot code language:
These ppl r crookz. The manager iz a crazy, sexist, bigot w/ emotional hangupz w/ chickz. He duz not, and will not pay u 4 the time u worked for & skims money from your pay and liez about it. He pays u in cash without proof of pay (i.e. reciepts, etc.). He makes u run the store alone and rarely comes by 2 help, and when he does come by it's to show off 2 the owner who's also a crook, a money monster & could care less about hiz employees. If u do get hired, u'll have 2 deal with crack heads, heroin addicts who come 2 the store and do their drugz in the bathroom b4 they go to the meth clinic a few blocks away. U will b expozed 2 dangerouz, disgustin' conditionz, & theyz will not give a damn. U will not have fun. U will b overworked, underpaid and will not get overtime. We r surprized no 1 has gotten sick...2 ppl have quit this week, and ppl quit every month. No 1 stays past 3 mnths, and we r sure neither will u. U will b better off workin' 4 Starbucks.
Landmarc is holding an open call for all FOH and BOH positions for their new Time Warner Center location.
God help us. This burger trend has officially gone too far. The Zen Palate people are opening a new vegetarian burger chain (wha?) in Union Square and are looking for a manager "that [sic] wants to make a difference." And also, there's this part:
COMPENSATION: Competitive salary and benefits with performance bonus and stock options-and inestimable amount of good karma!
Coming March 26: An "international brasserie," called Central Kitchen, which will feature steaks, pasta, a raw bar, and "Picasso inspired art, exposed brick and a cool downtown vibe". Central Kitchen comes from the people who brought you Tasca, "our infamous and highly successful sister restaurant. As they put it, "A lot of money is being put into pr, and based on the incredible success of Tasca so far, you can expect Central Kitchen to be packed from day one!" Oh, and they're hiring all FOH positions EXCEPT hostesses.
Starbucks needs your help with Greenpoint takeover.
A new fast food "concept," Extreme Pita, is on its way to the Grammercy area.
The Spotted Pig (maybe?) needs line cooks.
If you are New York's greatest manager, Morimoto wants to give you a dining allowance.
5 Ninth needs FOH staff.
Diner needs a line cook.
Country is looking for pastry cooks to work with new pastry chef Hsing Chen. Perks: "Dining privileges" at Geoffrey Zakarian’s restaurants, and a hotel room discount program.