Jamie Oliver returns to the Food Network on Sunday night, first to battle Mario Batali on Iron Chef America (9PM), and then with a "sneak preview" of his new show, Jamie at Home. We just watched a screener sent to us by some delightful PR person, and, if you like Jamie Oliver, you'll love it.

He is dressed like the Beastie Boys circa "Check your Head," grates cheese all over the table, says things like "I reckon it's about 3 tablespoons," and uses his hands a lot. The camerawork is of the food-porn variety, with sudden, extreme close-ups and intermittent blurriness that should come with a warning to the hung-over.

Last night, on Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations Holiday Special, we got a mixed bag: part educational, part foodie fantasy land, and part goofy, indulgent "cool guy" time-filler. This is to be expected, but also, as usual, the educational and the fantasy parts overlapped, and made up for the random stuff.

In particular, we were very pleased to see the force-feeding of ducks at Hudson Valley Foie Gras, where Bourdain chatted with a veterinarian who explained why it is perfectly un-cruel to eat their delicious, fatty livers. The birds don't choke when the tubes are inserted down their throats, because their windpipes are not obstructed, as ours would be. Also, he said that storing fat in the liver is normal for these guys, not a disease, as animal rights groups claim.

He even asserted that foie gras ducks live a less stressful existence than ducks in the wild! So basically, if you believe that guy, eating foie gras is no more wrong than eating any meat. Hooray.

I had a brief pow-wow with Rocco DiSpirito (who, for full disclosure, once again, was once my boss) about last night's Top Chef finale. Here are the highlights.

Rocco says he didn't go out to celebrate after the show, but "Those guys definitely did. I think Dale took everyone to Boy's Club. Maybe he converted a few."

He called Hung "by far the best cook on the show" and said "he's the sweetest, most deferential, well-valued, talented guy. I was really happy for him."

I told Rocco I was not buying the idea that their being paired up was a chance happening. "It felt pretty random to me," he said." I told him it was too perfect. "If that's their worst crime, it's OK," he said. I'm agreeing.

So, all has been revealed. Padma apparently wore the same Footloose dress for a full month while the final three bit their nails and Casey clutched to fame by a thin, thin thread, knowing she had blown it. Hung is the greatest immigrant hero of our time. Rocco grew some stubble and has perhaps managed a true come-back. Bravo, you have done us well. Sure, there may have been a few too many ingredients in this final dish (celebrity sous chefs = genius, Malarks at the table = whatever) but who cares?

Oh God! What will we do now that it's over? These "soulful" dinners we prepare every night will soon be nothing more than poor people slop. This wretched slum already looks more sad than "honest." Is there going to be a reality show about what the cast of a reality show does after the reality show is over?? When does that start? Help me.

Well, at least we will be back in a bit with sous chef Rocco's perspective on things...

This is the last of the interviews from our beloved Top Chef finalists. After all is revealed, we will speak to guest judge Rocco DiSpirito so we can further analyze this cultural event to death before falling into a winter of aching pining. Although, that new show where couples teach each other to do their jobs and then criticize each other until they get divorced sounds pret-ty good.

Unsurprisingly, Casey was the cheftestant most careful with her words, and therefore, not quite the ball of laughs that Hung and Dale were, but that's women for ya. She spent a lot of time giggling to her boyfriend of six years, who was in the room with her. After six years, how can there be that much to giggle about?

Anyhoo, when I asked Casey how she was handling the suspense, she said "Well, it's been interesting." Apparently, her restaurant in Dallas has been flooded with Top Chef fans, who pose for photos with her whenever she makes an appearance in the dining room. "My cooks are just looking at me, like, 'We hate you.' I can't really go out in the dining room anymore, because it's like, I can't get away and back to the kitchen."

Today, I got to talk with my favorite Top Chef, Hung, who proved to be even more entertaining on the phone. He spoke to me from Las Vegas, where it was 11 AM and he was very giggly. He had just woken up, and last night was a rough one. "I ate five tacos at 4 in morning," he said. Sounds like a plan.

The cheftestants find out the winner on Wednesday night, live. I asked how he was handling the suspense. "I'm dying right now. I can never get away from these thoughts." Hung said he would definitely be surprised if he didn't win, but "it's up to the judges, and Bravo. Mainly Bravo," he said, laughing.

When I asked him what he thought about the fact that the other chefs expected him to help them when he finished cooking early, he broke out the Hung-ness: "I didn't know this was chef camp, where we all hold hands and walk into the rainbow together. I didn't know that's what competition was. If I had known, I would have done much better."

He says it's ridiculous for the other chefs to claim Hung isn't a team player. "Every team challenge, I was on top. Except with Joey, because Joey decided not to be on the team."

Welcome to Top Chef Mania. We spoke to Dale today, for a long, long time, and Casey's next. On Monday, our buddy Hung will make an appearance, and you'll be hearing from Padma and Rocco as well. It's fun to talk to people who are on reality TV.

What we saw this week in Aspen -- the trout, the elk, the tears -- happened a month ago. At this very moment, all the cooking has been done, and the judges have made their decision. Dale, Hung, and Casey are waiting, with the rest of us, to find out the winner live on Wednesday night. That sounds like torture, we said to Dale, who confirmed that it kinda was.

Here are some other highlights from our talk, which ended only when the Bravo PR woman told us to wrap it up. Gays are chatty!

Dale, who is from Chicago, where the finale will take place, has gotten lots of support and "Midwestern pride" from the locals. Cars honk, people take his picture. "It's great."

Of all the guest judges, Dale had the most fun with DiSpirito, who he says is "really funny and sarcastic. No matter what, he's an amazing chef. Nothing's gonna change that fact. I think he and I have a very similar sense of humor."

He said the Eric Ripert trout Quick-fire was "the most fucked up" of all. "It was like x-treme camping. It was a really terrible experience."

Eric Ripert is kind of scary when you run into him in the woods with a trout and a cast iron skillet.

The producers seem to be focusing on making us like Hung, with all that immigrant talk, but then, for some reason, he's supposed to want to help his rivals cook? We love Hung, but the audience, or at least the freaks who actually take online polls at bravo.com, want him eliminated.

Did Padma really just hit a triangle and yell "Come and get it!"?

Aw, Malarks felt like he "really killed it". That's sad.

Is Dale crying? He's been reborn? He fucks cowboys? Ick.

I know I’m supposed to hate Hung’s smug ass, and in real life I would, but I’m really feeling him. That said, they might as well crown Casey right now. I have officially returned to the prediction I started this season of Top Chef with – it’s time for a lady cook. Put me down for, uh, like a dollar? I bought milk with nickels and dimes yesterday, people. Shit is rough.

I didn't hear a word that was said during the Continental kitchen portion of last night's Top Chef because I was weeping from laughing so hard at the shower caps. Padma fashioned hers like a beret, Hung pulled his down tight and frowned the whole time... Bra-vo indeed.

What's going on with Casey's hair? Every time the show cut to her interview, my companions and I sang the "Friends" theme song. Chunky streaks and shelf layers are no longer ignorable. Today, a friend pointed out that all the cheftestants seem to be stuck in the 90s. Malarky's soul patch and thumb ring are of the "Swingers" variety, though.