14 Foods That Haven't Yet Been Invented

Chefs vie daily--in restaurants and, especially, on TV--to create striking new foods, with food scientists backing them up in industrial laboratories across the country. You'd think everything had already been invented. But it hasn't. Here's a collection of fantasy foods that have not yet been attempted, as far as we know, by anyone. Foodies: Get busy!

1. Chocolate covered fish sticks - Even though you loved them as a child, your interest in these crumb-crusted rods of dodgy fish has waned. Re-awaken it with a generous pouring of lovely dark chocolate.

2. Pizza ice cream - It would be easy enough to just throw a scoop or two of ice cream on a steaming hot pizza (It's been done!), but why not do one better and actually incorporate a blender-pureed pepperoni slice into some otherwise unflavored homemade ice cream?

3. French fried salt - Let's dispense with the questionable meat and poultry products hidden inside the breading in fast food restaurants. All we really want is the grease, salt, and crunch, so let's just deep fry salt. It could be formed into funny shapes first.

4. Venison-flavored gum - Sadly, chewing gum flavors tend toward the sweet and fruity, and the market offers no examples of obvious savory possibilities like turkey with dressing, cheeseburger, poutine, and coq au vin (with extra coq, please!). Gum makers, take note.

5. Kidney crème brulee - Organ meats are currently in the vogue, but why hasn't anyone thought of using them to make desserts? (Yes, we know the English enjoy kidney pie, but why the hell don't they put some sugar in it?)

6. Square meat balls - Why are meatballs always round? When you sautee them in the pan, they brown unevenly, and get a dent on one side, like those babies that don't wear helmets around. Please food engineers, make us a square meatball mold.

7. Pocket watermelon - The Japanese now have their beloved square watermelon, but what New Yorkers crave is a watermelon small enough to fit in their pockets, so they can be carried to sporting events or thrown at cars that honk to much outside their apartments.