5 Reasons Why Brunch Sucks

Categories: My Rant, Shockey

brunch.jpg
Morganglines/Flickr
Brunch -- seemed like a good idea at the time.

Oh, Monday. Back to the grind of the workweek. No more sleeping until noon. No more afternoons of leisure. And no more brunch. While this might be cause for most city dwellers to be bummed out, this is something I am pretty stoked about. Why? Because brunch sucks.

Reason #1. It's ridiculously overpriced. Now don't get me wrong, I like the food served at most brunches. Eggs Benedict, waffles, hash browns -- all quality food that is even tastier when you wake up at 1 p.m. in a hangover fog. But how do you justify a meal of coffee, eggs, toast, and bacon that costs $15, when you could go to the store and buy a dozen eggs, a loaf of bread, a package of bacon, and a coffee for still less than that and feed a family of four? And it's not like other people's scrambled eggs taste significantly better than yours!

Reason #2. Midday drinking is a bust. Somehow all brunches turn into boozy brunches, which means the rest of the day is essentially shot because who doesn't need a nap after five mimosas? Then you wake up at 5 p.m. and your Sunday is over before it ever began. And, hello, there's a word for someone who thinks it's OK to imbibe five drinks at 11 a.m. -- alcoholic.

Reason #3. Who waits an hour and a half for scrambled eggs? You can rarely reserve tables for brunch, and waiting an hour for a table isn't seen as ridiculous. HELLO? Who waits an hour for eggs over-easy? Mayyyybe if you're getting some sort of fancy-pants brunch, but even then, an hour is questionable. Yet people do it every weekend!

Reason #4. Why not just call it Gymboree? When did it become OK for parents to down Bloody Marys while their kids run around the restaurant? Brunch isn't playtime. Sorry you're trying to relive your days of freedom when you were cool and didn't have toddlers in the mix, but now you do. Learn how to control them.

Reason #5. The sweet/savory dilemma is a pain and makes you fat. Who hasn't encountered the eternal problem of should-I get-something-sweet-or-savory-to-eat-at-brunch. No matter what I order, jealousy always seizes me when someone else's pancakes are placed on the table and I got the omelet. So now I want both savory and sweet. Which just leads to making me gut-punched by the end of the meal, plus feeling like a sucker for getting two entrées.

Any other brunch pet peeves? Leave yours in the comments.


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19 comments
Stephanie
Stephanie

If you simply must eat breakfast out (e.g., you're with a large group and don't want to cook for all of them), then you really can't go wrong with a diner.  The food's cheap, portions are big, you don't have to have alcohol, and usually the waits are very short.

this article is clearly filler
this article is clearly filler

This is dumb.  I oftentimes consider brunch an inexpensive way (10-15$) to experience restaurants that you may not be able to afford for dinner.  Additionally, most brunch menus nowadays are hardly scrambled eggs/toast/bacon or pancakes...that sounds like breakfast.  These menus are loaded with amazing and creative items.  Also, the brunch SCENE is where its at.  It adds to the leisure of the weekend where most people are looking for every and any opportunity to chill and hang out after a crazy work week.  Oh. And midday drinking is the shit, why should you care about other people's drinking habits?  I think you could pick a better meal to attack than brunch.  Why not start with the 300 hundred stores devoted to selling only cupcakes?

Jacquie Tellalian
Jacquie Tellalian

I love brunch, but honey, five mimosas and a long wait time for your Benedict?  no wonder you're bitchy.  I get a perfectly good buzz on two cocktails and still have plenty of energy left for a leisurely stroll.  if you hate overpaying and over-drinking patrons with screaming children, then stop eating at hipster joints - 

Amsterdammer
Amsterdammer

I agree that people should control their toddlers, but "relive the days when you were cool" makes no sense. People with kids want to have a meal out for the same reason childless "cool" people want to. It's enjoyable.

Nycyclist025
Nycyclist025

Listen food and alcohol go hand in hand. i know the  term "brunch" has been around for YEARS but restaurants have coined the term and marketed it like there is no tommorow. i mean the diffrence between a breakfast menu and  "brunch" is about absolutely nothing but they sell it like its this amazing optionnot to mention that your RUSHED,and the CROWDS? (kids,pets,annoying housewives and boujie yuppies who still live in the Hood!) kudos to lauren for keeping it real.

Brunch is delicious
Brunch is delicious

Who doesn't like drinking during the day? And what's wrong with a nice mimosa nap on a Sunday afternoon? And where are you going that you have to wait an hour and a half for eggs? Maybe it's New York you hate, not brunch. You're an idiot, whoever you are

Maddad
Maddad

 Hey screw you, Lauren Shockey. Why don't you go make some toddlers and see how easy they are to control.

Luigicamp
Luigicamp

I agree on everything except the complaint about the price. I don't consider $15 "too much", sounds like the right price to me. Of course, it may also depend on where you live, but if we are talking about big cities, that price is more than normal.

brunch forever
brunch forever

your reasons suck and if you're ordering two entrees, that's your problem, not brunches' problem.

Jamie Peck
Jamie Peck

Clearly you're going to the wrong places for brunch. Champs bakery is my new jam; it's cheap, there's always a table open, and there are a plethora of delightful vegan options for me. I also enjoy Kate's Joint, where you get a pile of food, tea or coffee, and a booze drink for like $10. Basically, scrappy vegetarian brunch > fancy regular brunch.

Adam Henne
Adam Henne

 "When did it become OK for parents to down Bloody Marys while their kids run around the restaurant?"  -- gee, I don't know, about 1950 or so; where you been?When did it become OK for parents to down Bloody Marys while their kids run around the restaurant?"  -- gee, I don't know, about 1950 or so; where you been?

DrinkAwayTime
DrinkAwayTime

Maharlika took reservations so no wait, had single dishes that were savory and sweets, no kids, and food that you couldn't make yourself with a quick run to the supermarket. Too bad Sunday was their last at Resto Leon

Erikl
Erikl

 Probably the best article I have read in a while.  Thanks Lauren for writing this piece! These are the exact reasons I never go out to brunch. I can never understand why people wait in line for this. This is New York, there are many places to choose from if you're really hungry. Your kitchen would be s good place to start. 

Garsleat
Garsleat

I do enjoy the brunch scene - friends and family chilling, not to worry rushing back to work. But I do agree that the 'brunch menu' is very lacking for the vegan crowd. That's why I prepare restaurants that offer the lunch menu, too.  

Bien Hecho
Bien Hecho

Lauren, your reasons are great...love the sweet and savory dilemma. Forget these haters.  They probably spend half the weekend waiting in line wearing Trilby hats talking to one another about other places they have eaten brunch. 

Garsleat
Garsleat

"That's why I prefer restaurants that offer..."

Sorry, typo. :) 

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