RIP Limelight Marketplace: Jesus Is a Little Less Pissed

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Robert Sietsema

After only a year of life, the Limelight Marketplace has emitted its last, chokingly sweet breath. Though it's still open, it will soon be reincarnated as a Barneys-like department store. We can't claim that this makes us sad, but we can say we're delighted to have an excuse to remember it by way of Our Man Sietsema's initial appraisal of the blighted property. Herewith, a few excerpts from what is now, essentially, the Limelight Marketplace's obituary:

"You, hapless pilgrim, have entered the new Limelight Marketplace, an upscale shopping mall artlessly and irreligiously wedged into a 160-year old gothic Episcopal church of great architectural distinction, filling it with shockingly white balconies, narrow hanging passageways, and silver-flocked wallpaper, forms of glitz so superficial that only the most gullible will be dazzled. It's so totally a mall for rubes. On the gala opening day last Friday, the place was filled with a profusion of flowers, as if the church were being forced to attend its own funeral."

"The names alone are enough to make you hurl: Wannahavacookie, The Little Candy Cake Company, It'Sugar, Butterfly Bakeshop, and Cupcake Stop."

"Walk in the front door and a wave of stink assails you -- the compacted smells of a half-dozen narrow stalls specializing in overpriced perfumes, soaps, and other stinkum, a chokingly sweet odor that's familiar from every shopping mall in the U.S."

"Next be confronted by masses of clueless tourists, munching on cupcakes and smashing into each other like atoms in a cyclotron in the hopelessly crowded space."

"Before being retrofitted as a mall, the place was a club called Limelight, notorious for the behavior of its attendees, who could be seen snorting coke in the stairwells and fornicating in the bathroom stalls. How much more interesting that was than the banal and boring evil of Limelight Marketplace."


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