Pussy Is Still the Worst Name for an Energy Drink, But Here Are 10 Other Bad Ones

Categories: 'Ew', Shockey

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Pussy Drinks
Who wants to drink Pussy?
There's been much talk on the Internet of the British energy drink called, naturally, Pussy. According to its website, the white-grape- and lime-based beverage "has been fueling the celebrity and party scene for some time" and "Pussy is about natural energy, it's irreverent, sophisticated and a pleasure to drink. Pussy is NOT about being serious, chemical energy, having a corporate attitude or being predictable." Sounds like a great beverage. Oh, right, except that it's named after a woman's vagina. Epic. Name. Fail.

But then again, most energy beverages have decidedly shitty names. These are 10 other worst ones.

10. Crunk!!!: This isn't too terrible because it's basically telling it like it is, and who doesn't want to get crunk? But really, did you need all three exclamations as part of the trademarked name?

9. Gears of War Imulsion: Naming your beverage after a video game in which all you do is shoot people just doesn't seem like a good idea. Also, in the game, "imulsion" is radioactive -- who wants to drink that?

8. Zombie Blood Energy Potion: Seriously, the vampire thing has taken over not just literature but energy drinks? Is nothing sacred? Though in all fairness, there's probably some overlap in the audience for both.

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7. Rip It: Maybe it's just us, but doesn't "rip it" conjure up the sound of farts? Or do we just have the mind-set of a 12-year-old boy?

6. Semtex: Sounds like an office park outside of Detroit. Might also look like semen if you are drunk and gloss over the name. Just generally unappetizing-sounding. (In fairness, it's a Czech brand, although it has English labeling.)

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5. Go Fast: What, could your marketing department not think of anything more exciting? This is about the blandest name for an energy drink, ever.

4. Bawls: This clearly got its name from the people who named Pussy. Maybe they can do some joint marketing. The hermaphrodite special two-for-one: Bawls and Pussy.

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3. Cocaine: Sorry, no matter how much caffeine you put in an energy drink, it's not the same as doing a line of blow. False advertising!

2. Shark Stimulation: This would be a good name for a vibrator, not a beverage. Though we do have to admit that the can is pretty cool-looking.

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1. Urge Intense: This sounds like a bladder-control problem and/or the medicine one uses to alleviate said problem.


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7 comments
robert
robert

Lol, try Pschitt soda from France!

mrt
mrt

I know a guy who sells one called 'Pün Juice.' I think he should get bonus points for using an umlaut, but I guess the Pussy guys win for sheer boldness and originality. Also, thanks for clarifying that it's named after a woman's vagina because, you know, sometimes you're not really sure who those vaginas belong to!

Mustang19732001
Mustang19732001

This from someone who writes for a rag called "The Voice"

Gregory
Gregory

Ionce tried to drink these energy drinks. I quite often drink this after Ifinished the sport. And after I became aware of the importance of health, I tryto reduce the consumption of this beverage. In my opinion, sugary drinks arebeverages are not good for the body as this will lead to diabetes. It's just myopinion.

  By: Gregory

JF
JF

Semtex is also a type of plastic explosive.

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