The 10 Worst Contemporary Restaurant Trends

Categories: Our 10 Best

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Oh dear! Is that my main course? What happened to the potatoes and vegetables? And who putted dandruffs on my meat?

[Editor's Note: While the entire staff of Fork in the Road is upstate at a cupcake detox retreat, we've hired superstar freelancer Francois Soupcon to do Our 10 Best for the week. In addition to being an adventurer and one of France's top food writers, he earnestly hopes to be a Food Network celebrity. We think he wlll be some day.]

When I was a young sprout, eating dinner in a restaurant was an enjoyable happenstance. But since then the chowing terrain has shifted like an earthquake, and more often than not venturing out to manger in the Biggest and Best Apple is an exercise in tedium and aggravation. Why could it be, you ask? Read and find out. Behold Our Top 10 Restaurant Trends that need to end right now. And I mean it.


10. Naked Entrees -- We long ago became bitches to the fact that steakhouse main coursers came unadorned, big hunks of sanguine flesh with no potatoes, no creamy spinach, nor anything else unless you order them as a separate. And -- Sacre bleu! -- my meal now costs twice as much. But over the last few years, the sides have removed themselves at every other kind of restaurant, forcing moi to shell out extra Euros to make my slender piece of fish, poultry, or meat a truly main course. And the unconnected sides when ordered are small for the price, too!


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9. Food in Jars -- Somehow the act of squishing fruits or vagetables inside glass containers has become the ultimate hipstro pass-time. Once just limited to a pickle bender or two (Bonjour, Rick's Picks!), now there is not a bearded garcon in Brooklyn who doesn't make and sell his own jams, jellies, or salsas. Even chef Sam Mason has taken up, selling "art-is-anal" mayonnaise at the Brooklyn Flee. (Note by the side: What makes mayonnaise artsy?.) Yes, pickled and preserved foods are tasty, but let's not make ourselves trendy to them. Peasants have been jamming for years. Nay, centuries.


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8. Kickstarter Campaigns -- It's not that Kickstarter is not bon. It is simply that if I have to look at one more privileged white cod telling me why we should cough up cash to help him build a clam shack on the Gowanus, bring subscription pints of ice cream to the unwashed asses, or grow an organic herb on an outhouse roof, I will lose my merde. Oui, Kickstarter has democrated restaurant investing, but it's also started to feel awful, like a group jerking off.


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