Sam Mason Is Opening an Artisanal Mayo Shop, Signaling the Brooklyn Food Movement's Total Descent Into Self-Parody

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This is your future, Brooklyn.
Oh, Brooklyn. We stood by you as your chocolatiers congratulated themselves on their "childlike curiosity." We had your back when the owner of your new-wave soda fountain described the mise en place required for making an egg cream. We even stuck around when your best-known artisanal butcher proudly proclaimed that his new hamburger stand on Rockaway Beach, Queens, was "by Brooklyn, for Brooklyn." But now you're going to be home to a store dedicated entirely to "high-end mayonnaise," and we're not sure we can go along for your ride any longer.

This store, reports Grub Street, is the project of Sam Mason, formerly of Tailor and Dinner With the Band. Mason had been selling his jars of Empire Mayonnaise all summer long at Smorgasburg, and apparently earned enough of a fan base to take things brick and mortar.

According to Mason's business partner, Elizabeth Valleau, the Mayonnaise Shop, which will be located on Vanderbilt Avenue in Prospect Heights, will sell some 40 varieties of mayo, including foie gras and coffee, and also function as a lab. Also according to Valleau, New York is in the midst of a "condiment revolution," though somewhat inexplicably, "nobody is coming in and owning the mayonnaise."

So it's come to this, Brooklyn. You've turned into that friend whose behavior we just can't make excuses for any longer, and that saddens us. There are so very many things we'd like to say to you, but we don't even know where to begin. So instead we'll just sit here, eating the last of that jar of your paprika-smoked heirloom pickles and wondering when it was, exactly, that you decided you'd be better off as a headline in The Onion.

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16 comments
Lillianna11209
Lillianna11209

Who knows if their mayo is any good.....the store's never open....even when within the hours stated as open.  Also, you can leave them an email and it dies where it lay; I find them rude; I'll buy my (expensive) mayo elsewhere.

RedHooker
RedHooker

He brings a whole new meaning to the word douche bag. Go back to Manhattan you bandwagon jumping TOOL!

donthatetheplayer
donthatetheplayer

Sounds great, but I wish they also had belgian fries to go with it

park.placer
park.placer

i live in the neighborhood and i say bring it on!!  i will shop there (a place to buy fresh roasted coffee on vanderbilt!?  who would have thought...), and i bet my too-cool-for-mayonnaise neighbors will too!

Monsieur Tarzan
Monsieur Tarzan

Personally I find mayonnaise disgusting.  But if there's people out there willing to pay more for "artisanal" mayonnaise", so be it.

Whatthecello
Whatthecello

park.placer - as long as you're okay with fresh roasted coffee-flavored mayo.

NICKOSCHLOSS
NICKOSCHLOSS

Wow! way to hate on people trying to succeed in this city. They obviously have enough intrest in their product to set up a storefront.  They are giving it a shot, like tens of thousands of small business owners do every day. GOOD LUCK. and screw this broad. 

Bobby McElaney
Bobby McElaney

“There are those that look at things the way they are, and ask why? I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?” ― Robert F. Kennedy

ClintHill
ClintHill

it looks like the jars will store my weed when i am done with the mayo

Melissa
Melissa

props to anyone who can open a business and be successful. 

Elizabeth Valleau Palmer
Elizabeth Valleau Palmer

Hey guys - I get why it sounds a bit frivolous. You're going to understand when you see how TINY this place is! It's really only big enough for one thing! Hahah..   Seriously though, we are excited to come to the neighborhood. We wanted a kitchen we could call our own where we could do wild flavor science and pack orders without the hassle of moving from rental kitchen to rental kitchen. In the front will be a small retail space for customers to taste and buy.  Should be fun. We are excited. 

washer dreyer
washer dreyer

Yup, Sam Mason opening a mayonnaise store should be interpreted as being 100% about Brooklyn and not at all about Sam Mason.  That makes sense.

Cal_aaron
Cal_aaron

yes, it's just been awful since the mayonnaise boutique opened. I can hardly leave the house without being confronted with an artisanal condiment.  It's utter misery here now.  You left just in time!

Cavebrooklin
Cavebrooklin

Hoping this means the gorgeous stuff can find its way and a fan base in Brooklin, Maine.

nomnomnom
nomnomnom

Pffft, don't be a hater!

You said it yourself: Empire Mayo has a fan base. I doubt that fan base would object to the convenience of not having to peruse that horrible flea market for delicious condiments.

Whatever, man. At least it's not KETCHUP. *shudder*

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