Stephen Colbert Will Not Give Up His Tater Tots

Categories: Featured, Tee-Vee

Hands off our tots!
On last night's Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert weighed in on plans to reduce the potato presence in school lunches. Specifically, officials want to get rid of deep-fried potatoes, such as crunchy, salty tater tots. To put it mildly, Colbert does not approve ...

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    Dr. Delos M. Cosgrove has issued stern warnings from the Cleveland Clinic that the Federal Governmentmust step in and help solve the obesity epidemic that has been catastrophicthroughout America.

      We propose an even more severesolution: abolish the Income Tax laws and substitute a Body Tax Plan. On or before April 15th, the entirefamily would weigh in and pay $5 a pound for each and every member of thefamily!

    The total aggregate weight of300 million people would far exceed the income generated taxing income, thusreducing our national debt, and encouraging fat people to trim waistlines aswell.

    Obviously, taxpayers care about their bodies and would be willing to payby the pound without complaining. Also, they don’t have to declare a penny of their income!

    This sort of common senseapproach is the direction President Barack Obama has often proposed. And hewould be a perfect poster man for the lean and determined leader whom most ofus voted for.

    As the U.S. Post Office slowly fades into the sunset, with massiveclosings and layoffs, their facilities and personnel could be utilized forNational Weighing Stations to pay body taxes. Poor people will eagerly go ondiets to pay less and senior citizens naturally save money, becoming shorterand lighter as they grow older.

    CPAs will have to bite the bullet and be retrained for other missions inlife. For example, as physical trainers or nutritionists to keep their clients’taxes lower.

    State taxes might be relegated to family heights, measured for anadditional $3 a foot when everybody weighs in.

    Uncle Sam’s slogan can then be: “THEMORE YOU WEIGH, THE MORE YOU PAY”


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