10 Food Product Mascots That Give Us Nightmares
10. Little Debbie -- You ought to have the face of an angel, Little Debbie; instead your visage is wrinkly and witchy. You are your own grandmother, and you're wearing her clothes, too: plaid shirt with collar that lies perfectly flat and strange white straw hat trimmed in sky blue.
9. Kool-Aid Smiling Pitcher -- We liked you better when you were fat, and perspiration glistened on your overweight brow. Now, you're shaping up and getting skinnier and skinnier, riding a stationary bike wearing knee pads. Are you afraid of falling off? You are a pitcher filled with delicious juice-like drinks, Smiley, not a gym-goer!
8. Green Giant -- Wait! Weren't you the giant that was chasing us and screaming "Fe, fi, fo, fum? I smell the blood of a foodie?" You're smiling now, but it's the smile of a sexual predator, and when our backs are turned you're doubtlessly going to ream us out with a thick can of peas.
7. Hamburger Helper Hand -- "Tell it to the hand," as the expression goes, but this is not even a real hand, it's a cartoon hand, and the face upon its palm reminds us of the ants running out of the hand with a hole ripped in it in Un Chien Andalou. Please, stop it from talking! And why, oh why, does he have a clown nose? Is that a worm in his mouth?
6. Chef Boyardee -- When we were kids, we never knew you were Italian, since all chefs were French back then. You've grown old on the can, like one of those paintings on the wall at Hogwarts. Are you going to start talking to us now, too? We fear being smothered in one of your cans of mushy mini-ravioli.