F. Scott Fitzgerald's Impossible Turkey Cocktail
For weary food writers already thinking about how to tackle their annual Thanksgiving stories, Fitzgerald's list of 13 ridiculous ways to use leftover turkey will be especially dark and hilarious:
Carl Van Vechten
1. Turkey Cocktail: To one large turkey add one gallon of vermouth and a demijohn of angostura bitters. Shake.
2. Turkey à la Francais: Take a large ripe turkey, prepare as for basting and stuff with old watches and chains and monkey meat. Proceed as with cottage pudding.
3. Turkey and Water: Take one turkey and one pan of water. Heat the latter to the boiling point and then put in the refrigerator. When it has jelled, drown the turkey in it. Eat. In preparing this recipe it is best to have a few ham sandwiches around in case things go wrong.
The McSweeney-esque list comes from The Crack-Up, a collection of Fitzgerald's notes and essays published shortly after his death that, much like the turkey list, charts a journey from sweet success to despair.