The Quest for a Dog-Shaped Cake Pan

Will a lamb do? It kinda looks like a poodle.

Vic B. asks: Where can I get a dog-shaped pan to make a dog-shaped cake?

Dear Vic B.: You don't specify what kind of dog, so I surmise it's for some other reason than the obvious--a doggie birthday party. Because if it were, wouldn't you want a specific breed? If you had a party for a miniature poodle, for example, you couldn't use a pan for a mastiff, because the cake might eat the birthday dog.

Anyone for dinosaurs?

Bad jokes aside, I thought the task of finding a canine cake pan, any canine cake pan, would be an easy one. I first dropped into Broadway Panhandler, and turned to my immediate left, where there are several shelves of cake forms, some metal, others made of that wobbly silicone, which I haven't been won over to yet.

Nevertheless, as I surveyed the aisle, I found one pan that makes a complete model train, and others for dinosaurs, lambs, butterflies, monkeys, hippos, and elephants--but no dogs of any sort. What is it about dogs, I wondered? Is it that there are so many varieties, and no single pan or even group of pans could cover a fraction of the possibilities? Or because we own dogs, wash them, pick up their shit, treat their fleas and ticks, etc., is there something to earthy and immediate about them that a hound-shaped cake seems somehow unhygienic?

Amid dozens of inanities, what no dogs?

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