Nine Food TV Shows We'd Love To See


How did food television become so boring and predictable? Umpteenth season of Top Chef? Yawn. Endless cupcake wars? Yawn. Paula Deen pouring more butter into the cake? Yawn. Guy Fieri tucking into another giant hamburger? Zzzzzzzzz. Well, the time has come to invent new types of food-themed shows, and here are a few modest suggestions.

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Grow-It-Yourself Window-Box Baguette Farm?


Oscar Mayer Brooklyn Rolls Out 'Brunchables'

Like a Saturday Night Live skit, this fake commercial touts a new product -- Brunchables -- that's nearly believable, featuring a group of sophisticated tweens who might be our own pretentious foodie progeny.

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Middle Eastern Vendor Works Falafel Magic

This video from shows how you could easily order a whole bag of falafels -- and end up getting none.

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Bear Eats Psychedelic Mushrooms, Trips in the Forest, Hallucinates

Who knew that bears like to get high, too? Though we can't vouch for the scientific veracity of this video, it sure is fun to watch, and we're wondering where we can find mushrooms like that in the forest, too! Or maybe at the Union Square Greenmarket? It comes to us from Literal Bears I'm Jealous Of, and the link was supplied by Francis Lam. Thanks, Francis!

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It's Now Time to Eat the Royal Wedding Pizza


Fork in the Road salutes the royal couple, and hopes the Tea Party types here will forget their hatred of England long enough to have a slice. The pizza was a promotional stunt by Papa John's, and probably isn't very good. Is wedding food ever good? (Kate's neck looks kinda gross, and her turkey cleavage is lumpy.)

Four more takes on the foodistic propensities of the royal couple:

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10 Astounding Nutritional Discoveries of the Future

Too many omega-3's will quite literally turn you into a fish!

Nutritionists tend to be full of shit. One day they tell you to eat margarine, then change their minds and say margarine will kill you. Generated by meaningless correlation studies and based on shaky science, so it is with most of their pronouncements.

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A Few Last-Minute Foodie Gag Gifts From Alphabets

If you don't want to chew them, you can always throw them in the Sunday gravy.

If you're like me, you're running around today getting those few last-minute gifts. Presents for loved ones were probably bought yesterday or the day before, but there are small gifts you still need to buy -- a token for the hostess of that Xmas Eve party, or a little present for the postman, or something to hand the bartender when he hands you your martini. Well, if they're foodies, these should suffice -- and even delight. Good stocking stuffers, too!

All available at Alphabets (115 Avenue A, 212-475-7250; 47 Greenwich Avenue, 212-229-2966).

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The Day's Best April Fools' Foodie Fake-Outs

Joke's on you.
Burger lovers weren't the only ones who got the wool pulled over their eyes today. Other merry April Fool's hoaxes included The Daily Beast's launch of The Daily Feast, a new food blog featuring such groundbreaking items as a profile on "The Pasta Whisperer" and a piece on Gary Vaynerchuk's new action figures. Then there was Slice's news that the Naples Tourism Bureau would be sponsoring the site for the next six months, resulting in all-Neapolitan-style coverage for the duration (not quite last year's AHT Big Mac review, but extra points for translating the notice in Italian). Finally, there was the ol' Alinea food truck prank. Classic.

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Babbo Shuttered!


Greenwich Village stalwart Babbo was closed by the Department of Health and Mental Hygiene in an unusual late-night raid. The bar crowd and a handful of patrons still dining were swept out onto the sidewalk around midnight as the chef, his signature orange clogs slapping on the pavement, was led to a waiting squad car. "Gee, he looks so thin," one passerby noted, "Maybe he had his stomach stapled."

"We found human meat in the walk-in freezer," said a shaken inspector. "What they were serving all day as lamb chops scottadita was really just Scott."