It's not even February yet and already our inboxes are stuffed with "special" Valentine's Day menus, Irving Mill is offering a creepy "All-Heart Tasting Menu" and now this. Whole Foods will be focusing on libido during the month of February.


That's right everyone's favorite pricey natural foods grocery chain (well, some would say it's the only one and call it a monopoly) will spend the next month advising customers on what foods, herbs, and supplements they can purchase to maybe, sorta boost their sex drive. Their spectacular tips include:

Creating a candlelit dinner with foods known to be aphrodisiacs like oysters, sage, white onions. Chocolate, a Valentine's Day favorite, has been the choice of lovers and royalty for centuries.

Relaxing with aromatherapy or massage with 100% pure essential oils. Learning to manage stress has uncountable benefits to health overall and can positively affect sex drive. In another survey(2), women reported the most important factor they believe would improve their sexual satisfaction was less stress.

Call me Betty Draper, but I'm not really interested in getting sexy tips from my grocer. It'd be sexier if Whole Foods didn't spend the money on this silly promotion and instead knocked a few pennies off the cost of their snacks. Or, I might suggest that the Bowery beer store figure out a way to start selling wine too. That always gets me in the mood. Or, offering delivery to Brooklyn is also super sexy. 

All mockery aside, I have to ask the marketing department, what about truffles?! They're always rumored to be an aphrodisiac. This is a perfect opportunity to hawk some ridiculously expensive "truffle ravioli love bites" or some pricey kinda sorta-truffle-infused oil. Really people.