Wikipedia/Bruce Martin

The common cicada, as it looks just before you eat it

Unless you've been hiding underground for the last few months, you probably already know that New York City is due for a cicada invasion. Indeed, the cicadas themselves have been concealed deep in the dirt as they've undergone their 17-year life cycle, and are only emerging for the purpose of having sex with other cicadas - which might make the coming infestation seem even more gross. Imagine a sky darkened with flying pests, splooging indiscriminantly from the skies. What can you do besides hiding in your apartment and waiting for the cicadas to leave? Eat them!

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One of the two storefronts of Sarita's, formerly known as S'Mac, with its gate pulled partway down.

Now known as Sarita's Mac and Cheese, the restaurant formerly known as S'mac - which has two non-adjacent storefronts on East 12th between First and Second avenues -
has been closed by the city's Department of Health and Mental Hygiene because it failed its health inspection, a passerby noted to FiTR early this afternoon. But when we arrived to take a look, the gate on the premises has been coyly pulled down to conceal the familiar yellow notice, and another white notice posted, saying "We are closed to make some emergency repairs." Nice evasion, fellas!

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Via J&D's

The food-novelty machine that is J&D's has released a new product for bacon-lovers who are determined to ruin bacon once and for all for everyone. Bacon condoms, available just in time for April Fool's Day and suspiciously already out of stock, come in packs of three, loaded with the company's own "water-based meat-flavored personal lubricant," baconlube.

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The offending piece of fish (click on image to enlarge)

Even the best restaurants make mistakes. Common ones include spilling a glass of water in the lap of a customer, who, of course, has no dry set of clothes; delaying the appearance of a dish by an unconscionable length of time, say one hour after the previous course was taken away; or allowing something aesthetically gross to happen, the most common of which in New York might be a roach running across your table. All these have happened to me, but none seemed as bad as what occurred yesterday in an Upper West Side restaurant, and an expensive one, too.

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ilovechickenpoop.com

Mouth feeling a bit chapped, today? Consider prettying up your pout with Free Range Chicken Poop Lip Balm.

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On Monday night, Kathy Griffin rang in the New Year with Anderson Cooper in a CNN special from Times Square. While the affable Cooper explained the drinking game fans created in his honor, Griffin got rowdy and told Cooper she wanted to "kiss his sardine."

Um, ok...

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dumbdrops.com

Are you single? Oh, hey . . .

We meant to say that, for many people -- especially the blissfully unattached -- New Year's Eve can bring the hope of some serious action. If you're planning on being in this category, put down the garlic and beer, and grab some water pronto.

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Spouting inanities, the "chef" of White Castle shows you how to make turkey even more boring -- and freak out your guests in the process. No pickles? WTF?

Don't touch them! They're undoubtedly contagious.

Over the past couple of years, FiTR has gone from being neutral on the subject of cupcakes -- from tolerating them, only wishing we had an entire piece of cake instead -- to downright hating the tiny near-cylinders of dried-out cake surmounted by bad and agonizingly sweet frosting. But can a cupcake make you barf just by looking at it?

[See More 'Ew': Lady Gaga's Family Restaurant Is Filthy According to Health Department | Brewery Creates Ale Out Of Facial Hair Yeast]

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joannenyc.com

It has been a rough couple of weeks for Lady Gaga's family restaurant, Joanne Trattoria. First they reeled in a pretty negative review from the New York Daily News, and now they're dealing with some major errors with the city's health inspectors.

According to the New York Post, violations included unwashed food-prep surfaces, no hand-washing facilities close to the kitchen, and food placed in areas ripe for contamination. They totaled 42 points, which amounts to a "C" rating.

[See More 'Ew': Brewery Creates Ale Out Of Facial Hair Yeast | Salmonella Outbreak in Trader Joe's Peanut Butter]

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