FIRST LOOK: THE MAN BEHIND THE OiNK INVESTIGATION

Categories: iVoice
ANOTHER SOUND OF THE CITY CHAT ROOM EXCLUSIVE! A few weeks ago, Jon Bois managed burrowed his way into a top-secret private musical genius chat room and got an EXCLUSIVE screen capture of Thom Yorke talking about In Rainbows. This week BOIS HACKED INTO AN INVITE-ONLY, DONATIONS ACCEPTED OiNK SYMPATHIZERS CHAT! FIIIIIIIIRRRRSSSSTTT LOOOK @ THE MAN BEHIND THE OiNK INQUEST. OMMFG!


**OnlineHost** Welcome to OiNKO Sympathizers Chat!


rear_edmurrow: Good evening.

/lights cigarette


rear_edmurrow: This week, the popular music-sharing site OiNK was taken offline by authorities, and its 24-year-old suspected administrator was arrested and charged.


rear_edmurrow: A menacing message was placed on

/lights second cigarette

oinkth web thite that thtated a


rear_edmurrow: fuck it

/rips off filters, flicks off cherries, swallows cigarettes whole


rear_edmurrow: Ahem. A menacing message was placed on OiNK's web site announcing that an investigation has launched to learn the identities of OiNK sympathizers around the world.


rear_edmurrow: CBS has arranged an interview tonight with the man spearheading the inquiry, the junior senator from Wisconsin, Joseph McCarthy.


DudeWheresMcCarthy: ah hello


rear_edmurrow: Senator, please detail your aims with this investigation.


DudeWheresMcCarthy: well ah,the ah. . .

ahhh

i ahh


DudeWheresMcCarthy: sorry, i know you're comfortable in this medium but the internet is not my format of choice


rear_edmurrow: got you by the balls now b1tch


DudeWheresMcCarthy: look, i'm very aware that my persona and the word "mccarthyism" are regularly misused to prop up half-baked arguments by people all over the internet


DudeWheresMcCarthy: but seriously, fear mongering aside, you have to admit that music stealing is unethical and nobody who used Oinko didn't know it was a crime


rear_edmurrow: whatever music belongs to everyone duuude

you can't, like, own things


DudeWheresMcCarthy: you Oinko sympathizers have no one to blame but yourselves for stealing music


rear_edmurrow: man fuck you, you can't just go prosecuting people who steal stuff, what kind of kafkaesque orwellian nightmare are we living in


DudeWheresMcCarthy: do you even know who orwell is


rear_edmurrow: the dude who stood in front of the tank with the suitcase

aw shit 4:20


rear_edmurrow: /lights Parliament

shiiiiit lol

don't taze me broooooo


DudeWheresMcCarthy: Listen, I cannot win an argument with you in Internet-speak.


rear_edmurrow: Fine. All I have left to say is that if people steal from a bloated financial behemoth and face longer terms than sex offenders, I am going to laugh until I cry. Or wait, maybe I'll cry until I laugh.


DudeWheresMcCarthy: I think we can all agree with that sentiment.


rear_edmurrow: This is Edward R. Murrow. Good night, and good luck.


**OnlineHost** The studio lights dim.


rear_edmurrow: ...

oh god oh god oh god

/freaks the fuck out


rear_edmurrow: /rips out hard drive, tosses in microwave

so am i going to the "oz" jail or the "ernest goes to jail" jail


DudeWheresMcCarthy: the comforts of neither, the horrors of both


rear_edmurrow: in retrospect, downloading the new feist album was just barely worth it



ProgressiveBoink.com
jonbois@gmail.com


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