iVoice: Tom Waits and Waits and Waits

Categories: Jon Bois, iVoice
JON BOIS DOES IT AGAIN.

**OnlineHost** Welcome to Restaurant Chat!


waiter: Your bourbon, sir.


tom_waits: hey thanks

hey will you bring me some corn starch


waiter: Um. Sure.


**OnlineHost** waiter has left the chatroom.


TOM_WAITS: so anyway, i was thinkin about doing another album soon


TOM_WAITS: i found an old maytag dryer from the 50s the other day, gonna throw a bunch of old shit in there and record it


eyeball_kid: blorrrrk


TOM_WAITS: a dancing ballerina jewelry box, some russian babooshka dolls, several dead toads and megaphones, myself


eyeball_kid: BLAAaagh


TOM_WAITS: yeah, rain dogs 2, exactly

although i'll probably call it "old man railroad alcohol junkyard sepia sad shit old man et cetera"


**OnlineHost** waiter has entered the chatroom.


waiter: Here's your, uh, corn starch.


TOM_WAITS: obliged

/grabs handful of corn starch, soaks it in bourbon, rolls it into cigarette paper


TOM_WAITS: you have a light

nevermind

/snaps fingers


**OnlineHost** An oil-barrel hobo fire has magically appeared.


TOM_WAITS: /lights cigarette with hobo fire, takes a drag

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh


waiter: What? How did you


TOM_WAITS: eh you know, really helps give it some weight


waiter: Weight?


TOM_WAITS: weight


waiter: Wait!


TOM_WAITS: what


waiter: Aren't you Tom Waits?


TOM_WAITS: yeah


waiter: Didn't you just announce that you're going on tour this summer? When are you going to announce the schedule?


waiter: It's getting late!


TOM_WAITS: i'll wait


waiter: why


TOM_WAITS: because tom waits and so should you


waiter: what

oh

um, what would you like


TOM_WAITS: an enormous bucket of peanut shells and asphalt

you know, to eat


waiter: Oh. Well we can do that! We'll just have to get payment in advance. It'll take us a while to get it together for you.


TOM_WAITS: it's okay, tom waits


waiter: Yeah. Soooo...one check?


TOM_WAITS: yeah, your turn to pick up the tab


eyeball_kid: ghhhllalaaaackack


TOM_WAITS: so you want to go back to saigon then


eyeball_kid: blahg.


waiter: uh all right. I'll just get your card and signature.


TOM_WAITS: you know he can't sign


eyeball_kid: /cries right there on the dotted line


TOM_WAITS: /barfs into hat

ProgressiveBoink.com
jonbois@gmail.com

 

PREVIOUS iVOICE CHATS
>Sean Kingston Dake You Dere Chat
>A Place To Bury Strangers IM Chat
>Sara Bareilles, Ingrid Michaelson, Colbie Caillat Chat
>American Idol, the IM Chat!
>Nellie MacKay, the IM Chat!
>Hannah Montana in 3D, the IM Chat!
>Britney Spears and Adnan Ghalib, the IM Chat!
>Rivers Cuomo Time-Travel Chat!
>Thom Yorke Responds to Radiohead's Pazz & Jop Loss!
>SECRET THOM YORKE IN RAINBOWS CHAT INTERCEPTED!!!
>THE MAN BEHIND THE OiNK INVESTIGATION
>Regina Spektor's Songwriting Secrets
>Iron & Wine Live-Show Chat Recap
>Wheatus Live-Show Chat
>Andrew Bird at Beacon Theater Soundcheck



Advertisement

My Voice Nation Help
0 comments

Now Trending

New York Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

Loading...