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MovieProducer: Julie! Julie Taymor! Good to see you, babe!
listen... |
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MovieProducer: "Across the Universe" is great, we all love what you did with it, buuuut, heh heh, it's old news, babe, it's been out on DVD for a while now... |
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MovieProducer: ...and we were just wondering, you know, if you had your next project lined up.... |
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LionTaymor: oh, uhhhh /shuffles papers
well sure I've got all kinds of great ideas, about, uhhhh |
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LionTaymor: uhhh my next idea was to... was tooooo....
to take somebody else's work and color all over it? |
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MovieProducer: that's BEAUTIFUL! Heh heh, that's the Julie Taymor we know and love.
And we're hoping this one will be music related, too? Yes? |
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LionTaymor: ...oooof course! Yes! Yes of course, this one is music related, too! |
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MovieProducer: Outstanding! Which of music's great legends have you chosen to equate with a troubled period of American history this time? |
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MovieProducer: Let me guess! Bob Dylan! No, they just made his biopic... The Rolling Stones? No, couldn't be them, Scorsese covered them... |
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LionTaymor: /thinks about record collection growing up |
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**Online Host**
13 months later...
/fade in |
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Noah: /sits on a beach with purple sand, pouts
*singing* Jenny was lovely, she was the queen of my nights.... |
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**Online Host**
Clip art of the hostage crisis in Iran mixed with footage of a typewriter mixed with footage of a piglet being dropped into a bucket of paint plays under broken audio of Jimmy Carter. |
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Noah: /walks down city street in vintage clothes, has modern day haircut
Jenny, what's troubling you? |
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Jenny: sigh, I was reading this book, but the words stopped in mid-sentence at the bottom! What.. what do I do, Noah? |
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Noah: "turn the page"
/turns page |
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Jenny: /falls in love amidst turmoil |
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**Online Host**
One soldier CGI'd to look like 500 soldiers march over a tiny gas station with very little gas. |
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Soldiers!: Out of our way, you "beautiful losers!" We're on our way to fight a WAR in "Katmandu!" |
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Jenny: what do you mean by that! |
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Noah: I think they're goin' to Katmandu! |
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Jenny: noah no /collapses in slow motion, hair looks like it's underwater |
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**Online Host**
From acclaimed director Julie Taymor, the visionary who brought you "Across the Universe" and that version of Titus where everyone is in bodypaint and helmets... |
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Noah: Jenny, I've got to get out of here. This war is too much war! I'm going "The Distance" and leaving the "Nutbush City Limits" at "Nine Tonight"... |
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Jenny: you're "Like a Rock," Noah, always running "Against the Wind"... |
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**Online Host**
. . . comes a story of love in the American heartland set to the era defining sounds of Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band . . . |
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Jenny: hey look, it's our random black friend and his Asian girlfriend |
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Rufus: man, you can't do this! Don't you understand we're fighting a WAR here? |
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Noah: I'm going to Katmandu! I can't deny this "fire inside"... and Jenny will "Accomp'ny Me!" |
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Jenny: noah no /cries animated tears |
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MaryLou: /sings a Tina Turner-esque version of "Old Time Rock n' Roll" for absolutely no fucking reason |
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**Online Host**
This mid-Autumn when nothing else is coming out, we invite you and your gay friend and his fat girl best friend to witness the motion picture event of three decades ago... |
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Soldiers!: Out of our way! Now that we've destroyed Katmandu, we're out to destroy ROCK AND ROLL |
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Jenny: noah no /runs away (in terrible perspective) |
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Noah: Come back, baby! |
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Jenny: In all of this war you've forgotten what's important in life! |
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Noah: ROCK AND ROLL NEVER FORGETS |
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**Online Host**
"We've Got Tonight"
This film is rated R for mild language, pervasive smoking, and occasional solarized titties. |
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MovieProducer: We love it, babe, but we're changing the title. We're gonna call it "Shakedown." |
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LionTaymor: but that compromises my artistic vision |
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MovieProducer: yeah, but the Beverly Hills Cop II soundtrack is a hilarious reference |
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