iVoice: Mariah Carey Gets Married!

By Village Voice contributor Fri., May 16 2008 at 1:30 PM

Categories: iVoice

	JetersNeverProsper: Wow, you're married again? That's surprising, congratulations!
	CashAndCarey: aw, thanks jeet! yeah we didn't date for very long but we were just so in love
	JetersNeverProsper: which romanticized beasts from a first grader's Lisa Frank folder would you use to describe your relationship?
	CashAndCarey: unicorn, butterfly, regular horse additionally, "rainbows"
	JetersNeverProsper: rainbows too, huh? This must be the real deal.
	CashAndCarey: you just don't know, jeet, everything about him just completes me. we're into the same things, we both love children, we're into the same kind of music...
	CashAndCarey: he makes music, too, and although the style is a lil' different our songs basically say the same thing
	CashAndCarey: come to think of it, we even kind of look like each other, too
	JetersNeverProsper: Look like each other? That's kinda weird. I'm sorry you and I never "made it."
	CashAndCarey: me too, baby, but what could you expect?
	CashAndCarey: I was always busy with touring and recording, always off to video shoots and parties, and you were busy having tons of homosexual sex with your baseball team
	JetersNeverProsper: lol, well, we are the Yankees
	CashAndCarey: sometimes we were fluffy clouds and occasionally we were flowers, but we were never rainbow and unicorn
	JetersNeverProsper: you're right Well, I wish you and Nick all the best.
	CashAndCarey: Nick? Who is Nick?
	JetersNeverProsper: Eh? I thought you married...
	CashAndCarey: !!! ooh, here he is now!
	HipHopHarry: HI KIDS!!! /does the running man
	CashAndCarey: oh baby, whassup boo how you fillin
	JetersNeverProsper: yeah you do kinda look alike
	CashAndCarey: jeet dis my boy hip hop harry, he make me his wife ay hurry this my boy jeet
	JetersNeverProsper: uh, hi Harry. What is it you do for a living?
	HipHopHarry: I LOVE TO LEARN I LOVE TO LEARN I LOVE TO LEARN I LOVE TO LEARN
	CashAndCarey: hurry is a bear wif a lil' boy intelligence who teaches numbas an careers to shorties usin' hip hop
	HipHopHarry: HIP HOP IS A LIFESTYLE AND I HAVE BROKEN BOUNDARIES IN CRYPTOZOOLOGY TO PROVE THAT, YOU FEEL ME
	JetersNeverProsper: sure, sure, I feel you, that's very-
	HipHopHarry: EXCUSE ME
	HipHopHarry: WHERE DO LIONS LIVE
	JetersNeverProsper: where do... where do lions live? what
	CashAndCarey: jus ansa' the question
	HipHopHarry: WHERE DO LIONS LIVE
	JetersNeverProsper: well I mean I don't know specifically, but you could probably find a book on the subject pretty easily there should be all kinds of books on lions
	HipHopHarry: WHOAAAA TELL ME WHERE WE'RE GOING
	CashAndCarey: ... TO THE LIBERRY!
	Online Host HipHopHarry and CashAndCarey have left the chatroom amidst scrolling graphics of snakes shaped like numbers
	JetersNeverProsper: welp.
	Online Host Welcome to the Public Library Chatroom!
	HipHopHarry: /opens a book MANY FUN THINGS ARE HIDDEN INSIDE
	CashAndCarey: harry you given any more thought to changin' ya name since we marry now
	HipHopHarry: I CAN'T CALL MYSELF HARRY CAREY THAT WOULD BE WEIRD
	CashAndCarey: whats yo lass name fool
	HipHopHarry: I AM A BEAR, I DON'T HAVE A LAST NAME. YOU'RE LUCKY I CAN TALK. I GUESS MY LAST NAME WOULD BE "BEAR" OR "THE BEAR."
	CashAndCarey: well i ain' callin myself "hip hop carey"