iVoice: On the Improbable Romance of Natalie Portman and Devendra Banhart

Categories: Jon Bois, iVoice

ThisChatIsForSiobhan: AY MAMA, Y'KNOW I USED TO HAVE A GAME BOY


Portmanteau: You? A Game Boy?


ThisChatIsForSiobhan: YEAH BUT NOW I JUS DO THIS

/picks daisy, holds it aloft, stares


ThisChatIsForSiobhan: LEVEL 2

/covers left eye with hand


ThisChatIsForSiobhan: HEEOWWW I FEEL THAT I WON

/forms one-man dance circle


Portmanteau: that-- uh, cool!


ThisChatIsForSiobhan: I LIKE YEOW SCREEN NAME


Portmanteau: Aw thanks, sweetie! I think it's clever. It's a portmanteau of "Portman" and "portmanteau"!


ThisChatIsForSiobhan: WHAT

MY HEAD ASPLODE


ThisChatIsForSiobhan: HEY WHAT IF MY HEAD ASPLODE AN MA'EYES SHOOT EVERY WHICH WAY AND ONE A THEM GETS STUCK IN MA'BELLY BUTTON


ThisChatIsForSiobhan: ONE LIL EYEBALL STARIN AT THE INSIDE A MA'SHIRT ALL THE DAY AN NIGHT

WHERE'S MA'GUITAR


Portmanteau: God, Devendra? Why do you have be so...so weird all the time?


ThisChatIsForSiobhan: I'LL CALL IT "SEEIN' EYE TUMMY"


Portmanteau: Can't you just be normal for one second?


Portmanteau: I mean, you wrote a song about raising Chinese children regardless of your country of origin.


Portmanteau: You wrote a song about ostensibly wanting to marry little boys, and attempted to justify it by clarifying that it's written from the perspective of a personality-shifting hermaphrodite, and I'm still unclear as to how that makes it okay.


Portmanteau: And you wrote another song in which you speculate that if you were bald, you would grow your beard really long and comb it up so that it covered your head.


Portmanteau: That's the sort of thing I would think if I hadn't slept in five days. It's Shel Silverstein times a thousand.


Portmanteau: I love you, but I get so tired of it! Do you have anything to say?


ThisChatIsForSiobhan: ...


Portmanteau: Well?


ThisChatIsForSiobhan:

 

 

 

 


Portmanteau: Ugh. You know what, I need to take a break from this relationship. I might call you, I might not...I don't know. Take it easy.


**OnlineHost** Natalie Portman has left the chat room.


ThisChatIsForSiobhan: aowwwww

DEVENDRA Y'BEANBAG Y'FOULED IT UP, YA FOULED IT ALL UP

/weeps


**OnlineHost** Welcome to Star Wars Chat!


Portmanteau: Um. . .Annie? Annie, you there?


Portmanteau: I know it's been a long time...just wanted to see what you were up to these days.


anakin: hi


Portmanteau: Hi.


anakin: i am going to turn into darth vader; i am sullen man


Portmanteau: Oh, that's uh...that's neat.


anakin: i like fix robots


anakin: you want help me for make robot

i'd would like to make pretty robot, talks like british guy, gold and shiny


Portmanteau: ...Neat.


anakin: have you been listening to a music

i've have been listening to "travis" a lot lately


Portmanteau: Um.

Oh, goodness! I think I left my...microwave on. I need to go.


**OnlineHost** Natalie Portman has left the chat room.


anakin: /uses jedi powers to create brick wall

/stares at brick wall


**OnlineHost** Welcome to Devendra Banhart Chat!


Portmanteau: Devendra? Let's get married.


ThisChatIsForSiobhan: YAAYYY

YIE YIE YIE LAAAAAAAAAADADADA


ThisChatIsForSiobhan: /eats beard

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