iVoice: Coldplay's Chris Martin Tries to Befriend Thom Yorke


CorporalMartin: Hey Thom! Long time, no talk!


Away message from SargeantYorke:

busy not being coldplay


CorporalMartin: :(


CorporalMartin: I know you're just jokin'! Let me know when you get back in!


CorporalMartin: Thom? You there?


SargeantYorke: hris martin looks like an emaciated donkey


SargeantYorke: oh, sorry, wrong window.


CorporalMartin: Oh.


CorporalMartin: Well, I was just gonna ask, did you happen to see that we came out with another album?


SargeantYorke: oh did you really


CorporalMartin: Yeah! And y'know, we're pretty big fans of you guys


SargeantYorke: yeah, i heard.

isn't it great how I wrote Ok Computer and I still have both my balls?


CorporalMartin: oh shit you read that


SargeantYorke:


CorporalMartin: ah, well . . .

so of course, we were curious to see what you thought of our new record!


SargeantYorke: listen man, i don't have time to go to pandora.com, type in "jack johnson bono masturbate" and listen through the radio station for two hours


CorporalMartin: Oh, you don't have to do that. It's in stores!


SargeantYorke: what the fuck is a store


SargeantYorke: anyway i think i get the idea of "coldplay"


SargeantYorke: you sit at a piano and sing falsetto about being sorry

then you explain that it's unique because you recorded in a warehouse or a church or a port-a-john or whatever the god fuck


SargeantYorke: oh man, i hope your album has art on it! i hope that art is supposed to symbolize something!


CorporalMartin: Actually, it does! It's a


SargeantYorke: nobody cares


CorporalMartin: Well okey doke then. Sorry to bug you. I just think it'd be really great if you gave it a listen! Honest critique is welcome!


Away message from SargeantYorke:

performing a webcast in a soiled undershirt, be back later


CorporalMartin: aw jeez


**OnlineHost** Later that evening...


SargeantYorke: oh man, so you wouldn't believe who messaged me today

fuckin chris martin from coldplay


SargeantYorke: guy is such a douchebag, coldplay sucks so bad


TOM_WAITS: why do you say that


SargeantYorke: well i mean, heh, it's coldplay, come on


TOM_WAITS: son i heard the new coldplay album, it's nothin spectacular but it's really not bad


TOM_WAITS: did you even listen to it or did you just decide to get all snarky about it pre-emptively


SargeantYorke: well

well i mean no, but


TOM_WAITS: think on this, lazy-eye

some folks like you and me can get away with shit. i can sell millions of albums of me whacking a plumbing fixture with a lead pipe and screaming about setting my wife on fire


TOM_WAITS: and you can get away with goddamn "push/pull revolving doors"


TOM_WAITS: and if we weren't so lucky we might just have to spit our dicks out our mouths and write regular people music


SargeantYorke: well yeah maybe


TOM_WAITS: how about you actually listen to it, i kind of like some songs on there


TOM_WAITS: i'm outta here

/slaps saddle

GIDDY UP


CorporalMartin: HEE HAW

/trots into horizon

ProgressiveBoink.com
jonbois@gmail.com



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My Voice Nation Help
10 comments
Bidoof
Bidoof

Thom's actually a snarky douchebag to everybody. Blowing everyone off to seem cool and aloof, the fans pick up on it and have a serious superiority complex with people who don't like radiohead

spanishrain
spanishrain

thom: snarky douchebag

chris: childlike enthusiasm and friendlyness

...yeah this about sums it up ^thom is a total dick to chris

Anonymous
Anonymous

lol this is obviously a complete joke

Anonymous
Anonymous

LOL uh oh appears some ppl are not familiar with satire o_o

MS
MS

lol this is hilarious.I love Thom Yorke; Coldplay can suck it.

likeitmatters
likeitmatters

mmmmmm.... yeah thom yorke is an arrogant twat. i hope a coldplay fangirl bites off his penis for breakfast. chocolate pea brain!!!chris is too nice of a guy for his own good.

Ren
Ren

This sucks, and it's not funny at all. Coldplay is so much better than Radiohead. Thom Yorke is fucking ugly and is a horrible singer. He looks like a spastic when he "performs" Coldplay is amazing.

Spanky
Spanky

Poor Chris Martin. I would totally give him one of my balls - that is if he would stop making records.

Fgws
Fgws

what a wanker

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