Charles Hamilton's "Lacey Duvalle" and the Illuminati of Porn-Related Music

Nah Right today posts an MP3 of New York poetry-slammer Charles Hamilton entitled "Lacey Duvalle," who I then Googled, to figure out why the picture on Nah Right's blog was of a girl in a bikini. Don't—repeat do not—do this if you're not prepared to suffer the consequences. Which is to say that Lacey Duvalle turns out to be an adult film actress.

Let's leave the jokes to Charles here. But this gets at something important, which is the long and secret history of pornography's incursions into pop music. Having already researched this phenomenon extensively, here's a brief rundown of the Illuminati at the heart of the porn/pop split:

Every Biohazard Song Ever

Biohazard frontman Evan Seinfeld, who goes by the handle 'Spyder Jonez' these days, is married to famous porn star Tera Patrick, and has had sex with women in at least twenty films. Endearingly, Internet Adult Film Database lists Spyder Jonez as having "no known aliases," which I'm sure Seinfeld's mother would take issue with.

Every Jody Watley Song Ever

This '80s ingenue was not an only child: her sister moonlighted as the porn actress Midori, whose plan to similarly conquer the pop charts via a quick dip in the adult film industry was once characterized by David Foster Wallace back in 1998 as "grievously ill-advised." An apparent XXX comeback in 2005, after a a two-year hiatus undertaken as part of a launch of the 'Midori Entertainment' brand, would appear to confirm Wallace's theory.

Tommy Lee, Paris Hilton, Ray J, Gene Simmons

Self-expanatory.

The Wedding Present's "Model, Actress, Whatever..."

Which begins "When I stare at you...OK, it's just a .jpeg; I have a few." Stay tuned for tomorrow, when we ask Wedding Present's David Gedge if this song actually has anything to do with pornography at all.

And, Finally