Bold Grammy 2008 Predictions!

Bet the farm this record will somehow make you consider buying, and tending

Hey the Grammy noms were announced last night, if you care about such things (if you do, in fact, care about such things, there is a 99-percent chance you have updated your résumé in the past three weeks, with the other one percent representing the actually-nominated artists), and aside from joining the sure-to-be-voluble Holy Shit M.I.A. Is Up for Record of the Year choir, let me go ahead and toss my other cent of analysis into the well: Alison Krauss & Robert Plant's Raising Sand will not only win every category in which it is nominated, but--and this is the bold part--win even those categories in which it is not nominated, somehow, crashing Kool-Aid-Man-like through the Staples Center back wall to snatch the, say, Best Dance Recording trophy from Daft Punk, the Best Hard Rock trophy from the Mars Volta, the Best Rap Song trophy from Flo-Rida. Raising Sand was designed by a mad scientist with an Oxford American subscription for the express purpose of winning shitloads upon shitloads of Grammys: stately, moody, gorgeous, ever-so-slightly frisky folk lullabies sung by an odd-couple pairing of bluegrass beauty and aging rock god. Reverent Americana + duets + a guy who was in Led Zeppelin = forget about it. You think the same geniuses who hailed a Joni Mitchell covers album over Kanye West or Amy Winehouse are now gonna up and decide to praise M.I.A. or Lil Wayne or fuckin' Adele instead?

Thank god Raising Sand is actually pretty good.

Bonus prediction: To stoke some semblance of interest in the actual Feb. 8 ceremony, every performer will be forced to duet with Taylor Hicks. Respect motherfucking craft when you hear it.