Five Magnificent Passages from My Son Marshall, My Son Eminem

Debbie Nelson's memoir My Son Marshall, My Son Eminem: Setting the Record Straight on My Life as Eminem's Mother is a rough read, full of messy anecdotes about her four marriages, two sons, and lifetime of familial deaths and domestic disputes--the Harvilla blurb nails it: "Dickensian in its absurdist awfulness." Kim Scott--Eminem's high-school sweetheart/baby mama/ex-wife/demonic hoochie--features prominently, as does Marshall's younger brother Nathan. Because I recently had the pleasure of chatting with Slim Shady's mom (update: interview here), please enjoy five of the 226-page book's highlights:

1) On having Kim, Marshall's first real girlfriend, living at her house:

[Kim] drove me crazy, breaking my ornaments, taking my stuff, calling the protective services . . . When a live tarantula arrived in the mail addressed to me, I called the cops.

2) On the father of Eminem's younger brother:

I ran into [Nathan's father] in the parking lot and he asked me if I'd sever his rights to Nathan. I couldn't believe it. How dare he say that? I would have run him over if I could have gotten away with it.

3) On her fourth marriage:

At the beginning of February, [my husband] John took off again. He just disappeared. My fourth marriage had gone the way of my previous three.

4) On an incident that took place on Marshall's 23rd birthday, allegedly incited by Kim:

As [Marshall] hit and kicked me over and over, Nathan cowered, crying underneath his blanket. I screamed for mercy, for him to stop.

"Bitch, you want to call 911?" Marshall yelled. He picked up the phone, dialed the dispatcher, and then hung up. Then he really went for me. He grabbed one of the weights he'd been using to bulk up his arm muscles and held it over me.

"Help me God, I will kill you," he snarled.

5) On Marshall and Kim's first wedding, in 1999:

Kim had on a black micro-mini and a short cropped top. According to those sitting in the church, she didn't appear to be wearing any underwear.

If you think Celebrity Rehab would be way better without Dr. Drew's voice of reason, I highly recommend you purchase this book immediately. You will not be disappointed.