n+1's 'The Britney Symposium': Too Slow, Not Enough Trumpet

n+1 posts its long-awaited "One More Time: The Britney Symposium," a colloquium on the 10-year anniversary of the first week "... Baby One More Time" reached #1. NBS, hitting first:

Imagine you're sixteen--Britney's age. You just started playing trumpet in a popular general business slash wedding band based in the Philadelphia area. It is the kind of band whose members keep track of their gas and mileage to and from "gigs," for the sake of Schedule C deductions. At least one member of the band brings a portable fan with him; the cooling mechanism uses two AA batteries, both of which he will write off come tax time. You are wearing your overweight father's tuxedo. The jacket fits like a shawl, the pants stay tight via this metal device your mother goes a good deal out of her way not to call a diaper pin. This is a pretty good band you're in.

Obviously there's a trumpet solo coming.