Freaks Of The Industry IV: Friday's CMJ Panels, Needlessly Derided

This is your last day to receive valuable music-industry advice at one of CMJ's myriad afternoon panels. Here, we'll help you pick one.

$10,000 And A Great Independent Artist. Will get you $10,000 worth of Oxycontin.

Exactly Why Did The Major Label System Fail? Or Did It?
ALRIGHT YOU JOKERS, WHO INVITED THE ABSURDLY CONTRARIAN GUY WHO WRITES FOR SLATE.COM TO THE PANEL.

Music Industry Myths, Gossip And Predictions For The Next Five Years. All we can tell you is Sister Hazel will still be going strong.

Sister Hazel: 15 Years Of Artist Development. Told you.

Internet Radio: A Free-For-All. And still not worth it.

The Required Skill Set For Artist Managers In Today's Music Climate. "I'll take a foot-long meatball on wheat."

State Of The Union: Music In Film And Television. Have you ever considered covering "Hallelujah"?

Emmanuel Jal. Will totally kick your ass if you make fun of his panel.

Creating Music With The Newest Technology. Apple's "Make your own electroclash album" iPhone app now available for $.99.

HAIR. SUCKED.

Modern Publicity Strategies For The Touring Musician. Hosted by OJ Da Juiceman.

A Music Supervision Mood Box Drop Listening Session. Just feels like the words "Court Ordered" should be mixed in there somewhere.

The Bitter Truth: When Your Live Show Sucks.
"You're about to get signed to Warp."

Breaking Into Film Scoring. Less rewarding than breaking into a Kentucky Fried Chicken.

PBS/NPR: 100 Million Consumers Can't Be Wrong. "About sepia-tone and Neko Case."

Journalism As A&R. Latin as Klingon.

Taking Back The Acoustic Performance: Featuring Fred Mascherino And Friends. "I gave my love a chicken/That haaaad noooooo boooooones."

Mentor Session: College Radio. "When you need to go to the bathroom, play Jane's Addiction's 'Three Days.'"

Mentor Session: Music Publishing And Licensing. "Play your cards right, kid, and someday you'll make it into Cougar Town."

Mentor Session: Music Production. "No, no! Even lower-fi!"

Mentor Session: Songwriting. "When all else fails, rhyme 'pants' and 'dance.'"


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