Hey Jay-Z, It's Cool, No, Really, I'm Sure 'DJ Hero' or Whatever It Is You're Promoting Right Now Will Sell Itself

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So cool, yeah, you're doing your best to hex the Phillies. You're going to become a bar mitzvah DJ. Bono is your rock & roll role model. You have a workout routine, it involves Fergie. "Big Girls Don't Cry," and all that, you told the Huffington Post: "I really like that song. I would sing it really loud no matter where I was at in the gym, and I know a couple other guys were singing and they won't say it, but I'm man enough to say that Fergie's 'Big Girls Don't Cry,' Crap! I would sing that in the gym." How about I go to Amazon or wherever you buy videogames right now, and buy your videogame, Jay-Z. And in return, you put something else on the wall, down in Tribeca, and I go to my grave not knowing which arcade game you preferred, back in the '80s. Oh, too late? It's Stargate? Fuck you. Go Phillies.

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