Your CMJ 2010 Panels, Cynically Summarized: Day 3 (Thursday)
Fatigue sets in as we reach CMJ's halfway point, but buck up: Plenty of sweet bands left to see, plenty of priceless industry wisdom to absorb via this afternoon's slate of panels, helpfully listed below with brief, jaded, profoundly unhelpful commentary.
COLLEGE DAY: Music Director 101. Early, invaluable lessons in shirking authority and dodging publicists.
Controlling the Pipeline; Net Neutrality and the Level of Access. Might as well learn what this is so you can credibly angrily Tweet about it later.
Taming Your Social Media Beast. Not hosted by 50 Cent.
The Truth, and the Crossing Lines of Radio and A&R. "Crossing lines" in the sense that neither of these are actually careers.
Times Are Tough; Keep Your Composer. Hosted by the "$5 Footlong" guy.
COLLEGE DAY: Marketing For Your College Station. Whereupon bearded, schlubby, shirtless Yo La Tengo fans lead the least successful fund-raising car wash of all time.
Hip-Hop For Profit. It'll never work.
Mentor Session: General Music Business. "Here are the chords to 'Santeria.'"
Quantifying Analytics; Let The Data Decide. "According to this page-view data we should just write about Das Racist all the time."
The "Free Play For Free Promotion" Free-For-All. Still not coming to your showcase.
The "What's Cool" Culture of Indie Placements. "We just made something that is a fun song that will hopefully make people dance around in their Converse during the summer."
Chop A Pubby. Get the fuck out of here.
Mentor Session: Music Production. Learn how to make that "What I Got" bassline really pop.
Policy Wheel of Justice. Grudgingly turned by an enslaved Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Take Back The Mic; Challenging Hip-Hop Stereotypes. ATTENTION: BOTH DAS RACIST AND BIG FREEDIA ARE ON THIS PANEL.
The New Music Sellers. Will be super pissed when they find out they can only get 50 cents per used CD.
COLLEGE DAY: Music Director 301. Promoting "Yakety Sax" to heavy rotation as a joke is generally frowned upon.
I Don't Know, Ask Ted. Not interested, unless you mean Ted DiBiase.
L.E.S. Music Means More Indie Rock. Oh, great.
Mentor Session: Music Publishing and Licensing. "I know it sounds crazy, but Doritos really wants to use your version of 'Date Rape.'"
No Conflict No Interest. Hosted by Wavves.
Taking It From The Home Studio To The Next Level. Maybe eventually your family will let you upstairs to eat dinner with them, like Bubbles from The Wire.