Top 10 Prodigy Prison Rants, Starring Obama, Jay-Z, Napoleon, Corny Backpack Rappers, And Demonic Owls

prodigy rants.jpg
Pic by Chad Griffith
Mobb Deep rapper Prodigy was released from prison yesterday after serving three and a half years on a gun-possession charge. During that time, the voluble emcee used his Internet access and old-school pen-and-paper interview privileges to hip the world to his theories on secret societies based around gigantic demon owls, President Obama's neocolonialist status, the problem of bats in the prison system, and the proliferation of wack rappers blighting the modern hip-hop scene. The entertainment value of these uppercase missives bodes well for his upcoming book, My Infamous Life: The Autobiography of Mobb Deep's Prodigy, to be released in April (although it'll be the publishing industry's most tragic failure of nerve if it's not printed in all caps). To celebrate his newfound freedom, here are 10 of his most sensational prison revelations. (Reader beware: All formatting and punctuation are the artist's own.)

President Barack Obama Is A Neocolonialist
In the run-up to the 2008 presidential election, most high-profile rappers could be found dropping pro-Obama references in their raps while secretly planning to vote for whichever candidate would give them the cushiest tax break. Not Prodigy. Seeing as he'd labeled Obama a "PHONY" and a "PLASTIC PRESIDENT" in the run-up to the election, I asked Prodigy whether he still felt that way after he was elected. (The interview was facilitated by submitting questions via the excellent production unit Sid Roams.) With a prescient cynicism. the emcee wrote back, "MOST OF THE RAPPERS AND ENTERTAINERS YOU SEE PROMOTING VOTING DON'T KNOW HOW THIS SYSTEM WORKS -- THEY'RE JUST DOING IT TO MAKE THEMSELVES APPEAR TO BE POLITICALLY AWARE, KNOWLEDGEABLE AND ALSO FOR SELF PROMOTION." (Also, "SOME OF THEM ARE DOING IT AS PART OF THEIR PLEA BARGAINS.")

Then came the history lesson: "OBAMA REPRESENTS ONE WORLD GOVERNMENT, AKA NEOCOLONIALISM. PRESIDENTS DON'T CHANGE ANYTHING LOCALLY -- THEY ONLY DEAL WITH FOREIGN POLICY. SO WILL OBAMA GIVE AFRICANS BACK THEIR LAND AND NATURAL RESOURCES THAT THESE EUROPEAN BLOODSUCKERS HAVE SEIZED CONTROL OF? WILL OBAMA FIGHT FOR THE NATIVE AMERICAN'S LAND AND NATURAL RESOURCES THAT THESE EUROPEAN PIRATES HAVE SEIZED? WHAT WILL HE DO FOR THE AUSTRALIAN ABORIGINES? OR ALASKAN INUITS? DOES HE EVEN SPEAK PUBLICLY ABOUT THESE THINGS? WHAT DO THESE CELEBRITIES WHO ARE SO 'POLITICALLY AWARE' HAVE TO SAY ABOUT ALL OF THIS? WHY DON'T THESE AWARE CELEBS PROMOTE VOTING FOR THE LOCAL ASSEMBLY PERSON OR CONGRESS PERSON? THEY ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO CAN CHANCE LOCAL ISSUES IN THE 'HOODS." Someone get this man on Meet The Press posthaste.

prodigy colonialist.jpg
You Don't Realize The Extent Of Prodigy's Trend Setting
In a mammoth 26-point blog post, Prodigy reeled off every trend he feels the hip-hop community has never given him credit for originating. This includes matters both musical (point ten: "SAMPLING MAFIA MUSIC," which P claims to have originated on Mobb Deep's "Crime Connections," a style the Nas-associated producer L.E.S. allegedly soon appropriated) and technological (point 19: "WEB SITES, I HAD INFAMOUSSTORES.COM AND WAS WRITING BLOGS BACK IN 99 LONG BEFORE IT BECAME POPULAR IN HIP HOP TO HAVE A WEB SITE"), not to mention an extensive section on fashion that included "CUSTOM MADE JEWELERY INSTEAD OF THE POPULAR MOLDS," "HOW I FOLD MY BANDANA," "CUSTOM MADE FOOTBALL JERSEYS WIT HENNESSY and E&J ON EM'," and "TIMBERLAND BOOTS...THESE RACIST FUCC'S OWE US MILLIONS. THEY NEVER DO AD'S USING BLACK PEOPLE OR RAPPERS AS MUCH AS WE PROMOTED THEY SHIT." Alas, the foppish Prodigy lost steam by the time he came to point 26, where he admitted, "I COULD JUST KEEP GOING BUT NOW I'M TIRED."

Jay-Z Is A Member Of The Illuminati
Prodigy isn't the only rapper convinced of the existence of the Illuminati, but he's likely the only one to claim that Jay-Z has a link to the secret government's inner workings. In a letter to Urb magazine, he wrote, "J.Z. KNOWS THE TRUTH, BUT HE CHOSE SIDES WITH EVIL IN ORDER TO BE ACCEPTED IN THE CORPORATE WORLD." Then he added, "J.Z. CONCEALS THE TRUTH FROM THE BLACK COMMUNITY AND THE WORLD, AND PROMOTES THE LIFESTYLE OF THE BEAST INSTEAD."

Owls Are Inherently Demonic
Before the year is out, there will be an Odd Future video that looks like this: "ANOTHER OLD SOCIETY HIGH UP ON THE TOTEM POLE IS THE 'BOHEMIAN GROVE" SECRET SOCIETY. THIS GROUP OF ELITE HAVE RECENTLY BEEN EXPOSED. THEY HOLD MEETINGS IN THE CALIFORNIA REDWOOD FOREST AND PRACTICE RITUALS WHERE THEY WORSHIP A GIANT DEMON OWL CALLED "MOLECH" AND THEY DO "MOCK" SACRIFICES TO THEIR GOD "MOLECH" WHERE THEY BURN A BABY IN A BONFIRE, WITH HUNDREDS OF MEMBERS WATCHING."

There Is No Greatest Rapper Of All Time
While being petitioned as part of a poll asking 100 different rappers to name the greatest MC of all time, Prodigy flatly insisted that "IN REALITY, THERE IS NO GREATEST OF ALL TIME." (Rakim won by a landslide, for the record.) This allowed Prodigy to segue into one of his favorite subjects: naming and shaming the world's inadequate rappers. Due to "THESE EUROPEAN SLAVE MASTERS AND THEIR GREAT, GREAT GRANDKIDS," modern rap fans have been brainwashed: "YOU GOT PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY THINK HELL RELL IS A GOOD RAPPER. THERE'S PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO GET THE CHILLS WHEN THEY HEAR RICK ROSS, LIKE HE'S SOMETHING SPECIAL." Then, adding balance to his answer, Prodigy proceeded to compile a list of 40 hip-hop artists he does respect, though it was presented with "NO SIGNIFICANCE TO THE ORDER." It took in usual nominees Rakim, KRS-One, Kool G Rap, Biggie and Jay-Z, plus relative wild cards like Remy Ma, Mase, and Three 6 Mafia.

prodigy greatest rappers.jpg
However, angered by having just read Vibe magazine's Best Rapper Alive article, Prodigy added, "WHO IN THE FUCK PICKED CROOKED I, FLO RIDA AND RICH BOY?" The comment caused Slaughterhouse member Crooked I to respond on his own blog over at HipHopDX, wherein he challenged Prodigy to a "one on one" fight, promising, "I'll wait for your release date since I don't forget about shit." Then came the kicker: "P.S. Do some push-ups."

Napoleon Is Responsible For The Sphinx's Missing Nose
The mystery behind the Spinx's missing nose has flummoxed historians for centuries, likely because those old fusty scholars never thought to call on Prodigy's expertise in the area. According to the burgeoning history buff, "NAPOLEAN BONAPARTE WAS INFAMOUS FOR USING CANNONS' TO BLOW THE LIPS & NOSE OFF THE SPHINX AND OTHER GIANT EGYPTIAN MONUMENTS." Being that the Sphinx is "HALF BLACK WOMAN AND HALF BEAST," it was understandable that "NAPOLEAN WAS JUST SO UPSET TO SEE BLACK FACES AND FEATURES THAT HE STARTED BLASTING AWAY."

Prison Is Full Of Bats
While locked up in Mid-State Correctional Facility, Prodigy took it upon himself to let the world know: "YO, THEY GOT BAT'S FLYING AROUND INSIDE. SHIT FLEW PASS MY FACE A FEW HOURS AGO. I HATE BATS!! I GET BIT, I'M SUING!" Thankfully for the prison system's coffers, the pesky problem soon passed. Asked a few months later about the presence of bats, Prodigy seemed to have calmed down, and wrote back, "NO, ACTUALLY SINCE THEN I HAVEN'T SEEN ANY MORE BATS. THIS PRISON USED TO BE A PSYCHO PRISON. IT LOOKS LIKE AN ABANDONED HORROR JAIL. IT'S REAL FOUL LOOKING. YOU CAN ASK ANY BODY THAT COMES OUR FROM A VISIT -- THIS PRISON LOOKS HAUNTED."

prodigy bats.jpg
President Obama May Have Skipped His History Class
"AM I TO BELIEVE THAT OBAMA, WHO GRADUATED FROM LAW SCHOOL AND IS SO HEAVY INTO POLITICS THAT HE DECIDED TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT, ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE THAT HE NEVER HEARD OF JOHN HANSON, AMERICA'S FIRST BLACK PRESIDENT?" So wondered Prodigy while catching election fever and reading up on his history of the executive office. Adding background to his findings, Prodigy explained the legend of John Hanson, a "BLACK MOOR WHO DESIGNED AND CREATED THE 'GREAT SEAL' THAT'S ON THE BACK OF THE DOLLAR BILL AND ON THE CARPET OF THE OVAL OFFICE," but whose photograph has allegedly been "RECENTLY REMOVED FROM THE LIBRARY OF CONGRESS WEBSITE." For anyone wanting to check for themselves, Prodigy recommends pointing your web browser to lcweb2.loc.gov. (Bonus family matter: "LET'S NOT FORGET HE'S GEORGE BUSH'S BLOOD COUSIN.")

prodigy hanson.jpg
Backpack Rappers Can Be Corny, Too
After Phonte from the rap group Little Brother labeled the G-Unit-era Mobb Deep as "Club Mobb"; described Prodigy's performance on the album Blood Money as "rambling, non-rhyming, unfocused"; and also managed to throw in the phrase "blatant cock-sniggling," Prodigy hit back in his usual blitzkrieg blog style, calling Little Brother "CORNY." Then, quite exquisitely, he showed a sly awareness of the medium in which he works in and broke from his favored all-caps style to type Little Brother's name in lower-case. The day he works out emoticons will change the internet forever.

Natural Energy Can One Day Be Our Savior
Switching into super-scientifical mode, Prodigy issued a bulletin about "THE WORLD GRID," which is apparently a bunch of "NATURAL ENERGY LINES THAT CRISS-CROSS THE ENTIRE PLANET." This produces a natural vortex of energy which "CAN BE USED FOR POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE; DEPENDING ON WHAT YOU'RE DOING WITH IT." Hinting at a future free from outrageous Con-Edison bill spikes, Prodigy promised, "THIS NATURAL SOURCE OF ENERGY CAN ALSO BE USED TO POWER THE WORLD WITHOUT ELECTRICITY, NUCLEAR ENERGY, GAS, FUEL OR ANYTHING ELSE THEY'VE GOT TO ENSLAVE, POISON, AND OR MAKE PROFIT OFF US ALL. BUT THAT IS A TOPIC FOR ANOTHER DAY." Stay tuned.


Advertisement

My Voice Nation Help
22 comments
Dana2012
Dana2012

This isn't journalism, this is just copy and paste. And the person who pasted Prodigy's thoughts adds his own rude, dismissive, and close-minded opinion without even having to say much. Don't ever, EVER call this journalism, least you believe Fox News is unbias, lol.

For the sake of everything left in this world that hasn't gone to shit, please people - open your eyes. I dont ask anyone to follow any religion, to believe in ANYONEs words, or to do ANYTHING besides simply opening your eyes and educating yourselves - and if you think what Prodigy is saying is COMPLETELY off base, then that's your opinion.

Jamrock503
Jamrock503

Try to make him look bad dam shame the first will be last and the last first... First being the rich who use this world and last being the poor who lives it

Guest
Guest

To me it's not about Jay-Z as a person because how can anyone judge him without knowing his mind and his heart? But it is very strange to see him portrayed to children as a hero associated with President Obama and Oprah, the Queen of Everything. I'm not mad at any of them personally but if you look at the reality Oprah is the only one that made it the honest way. I want to say that again. I don't have a grudge with Jay-Z. It's just that when the children are taught that selling crack in the neighborhood is not only a desperate choice but also an honorable occupation it sends the wrong message. Jay-Z can be considered one of the greatest rappers of all time but I don't know if he should be looked at as a role model. It's like how many people make it to that Mike Jordan level and how many get sent to prison for life or shot or shoot someone else, maybe you. So yes, all the little messages that are put in Jay-Z's videos and a few others might be there just to make people talk about it and I don't know about secret societies, but we clearly live in a corrupt world where people with power are immune from prosecution or censure. When you look at the facts about Monsanto bio-engineered foods for example, you start thinking like Agent Mulder. I don't know what is really going on but it's deep and you can't dismiss it without looking into it.

Panoptikhan
Panoptikhan

YO THEY JUST TRY'N'A DISCREDIT THE IMD. On the real though Prodigy is an ineluctable part of hiphop's past and future. The guy's a genius- things he says are true even when incorrect. JayZ really is employed to hide the truth behind a glamorous lifestyle. And Little Brother's more than corny- he's forgettable. Can't say that about Prodigy.

burning_plastic
burning_plastic

The article implies that Prodigy is delusional and made all of this up when it's actually just a different belief system and one that an increasing amount of people are subscribing to. It sounds totally absurd but we do know our government lies to us, tests weapons and drugs on us, and wants us to give up our civil rights in the name of security. If you read the above rants while watching footage of New Orleans in the aftermath of Katrina it might start to seem more plausible.I don't know nothing bout no giant owls except what I've read online so the whole thing sounds preposterous. However, seeking to defame a person who is re-emerging into society coming from a place where belief systems like this are very understandably more accepted, and offering nothing that illuminates his rants, but simply using a dismissive tone, I feel, is not really journalism.

People come up with crazy theories because the truth is withheld. I know people can get crazy with these things and that it attracts those who might be prone to a more paranoid outlook on life in general, but he was in prison doing his best to expose what he feels is important to the people to know and using words in an honorable way and you would invite us to mock him without considering his ideas at all? Maybe I read this wrong but that's what I get from it.

Ectonym
Ectonym

John Hanson was not a black man but mistaken for a different John Hanson, a senator from Liberia in the same era. The black John Hanson's portrait is used to argue that the John Hanson from Maryland was black and was the first president. However the 2 people are not the same, and the white John Hanson was elected President of the Continental Congress, not President of the United States. Also, he had no executive powers so calling him a president of a country is not accurate.

JayGee
JayGee

THIS MAN IS SPEAKING REAL WORDS IN THE FORM OF THE TRUTH. THAT BOHEMIEN GROVE IS REAL

Harry
Harry

prodigy is the new l ron hubbard

Pikturdis
Pikturdis

GREAT READING MATERIAL..IT ABOUT TIME PPL HEARD OF JOHN HANSEN...HE SET UP THE FIRST FOREIGN AFFAIRS, TREASURY ETC....

Shaquanyoung
Shaquanyoung

Everything that Prodigy said is really old information.Ofcourse, there's more to the story than what we see,...but P is in the right ballpark.

I know of old doctrine, texts, data and literature that supports his claims.Its easy for the masses to dismiss all this info, only because we're taught (from an early age) to trust in the media/ the government/ and religion.We've become a nation thats afraid to question. And, if you do... then people call you a "conspiracy-theorist".Most of us accept things at face-value. Never looking deeper beneath the surface.

I've studied & researched this stuff for over 15 years.There's so much that has happened in our world that we don't know about.Everything is not as it seems.

KayGee2000
KayGee2000

a lot of truth in there by my man prodigy. real rappers speak the real words and p aint no fake one or a shook one. the revolution will be rapped

Brooklyn80
Brooklyn80

Diddy got big killed. Then after that he blew da fuck up. What happend to craig mack? He was suppose to be better den big. Craig wasnt goin wit dat illuminat shit diddy b doin. Fuk u diddy. Fuk u 50 cent. 50 u sacrificed jamaster j. I outta shoot u 9 mo times bitch. I betchu want survive pussy nigga.

Sofly2001
Sofly2001

STR8 UP I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT JAYZ HE AINT SHIT 2 ME! HE 1 OF DA MAIN PEOPLE WHO N DA ILLUMINATI. PEOPLE SAY HE ONE OF THE GREATEST RAPPERS OF ALL TIME.... BULLSHIT! DA ONLY THANG JAYZ IS GOOD AT IS MIND CONTROL. WE NEED DA REAL NIGGAS TO START RAPPIN AGAIN. DATS FIN 2 B RARE N DIS RAP INDUSTRY NOW. TO MUCH FAKE. DATS DA SAME REASON Y WAKA FLOCKA RETIRE. HE AINT WIT DAT ILLUMINATI SHIT. SECRET HANDSHAKES, N ALL OTHER SHIT HE SAID. HE SAID HE RATHER WORK AT WALMART DEN RAP. HE PUT DAT ON JESEUS CHRIST. ALL WE NEED IS FOR ONE PERSON TO SPEAK ON IT ON LIVE TV SOMEWHERE N I BET A WHOLE LOT OF PEOPLE WILL TALK ABOUT IT. NOBODY DONT WANT 2 GET KILLED THO ON SPEAKIN ON IT.

TY
TY

jay z owns his own damn business, ain't employ by anyone!

Pun_kin2013
Pun_kin2013

DA ILLUMINATI IS REAL! ALL THESE BITCHES LIKE KANYE BEYONCE JAYZ LIL WAYNE DRAKE NICKI MINAJ RIHANNAH N REV RUN RUSSLE SIMMONS aka (HUSSLE SIMMONS) N ALOT MO IS ALL PART OF DA ILLUMINATI. DID ANYBODY WATCH THE BET AWARDS? DRAKE FAGGOT ASS HAD THE OWL ON HIS SHIRT! ITS SIGNS ALL IN FRONT OF US N I C IT 2. WHERE ALL DA REAL REAL NIGGAS AT HUH? LIKE BOOSIE, ODB, MICHAEL JACKSON, TUPAC, N OTHERS. DEY ALL DEAD OR N JAIL. YES YALL I PUT MJ ON HERE AS A REAL NIGGA BCUZ RIGHT B4 HE DIED HE WUZ TRYING 2 WARN US ABOUT DIS SHIT. HE KNEW BACK N 2008 DAT WHEN 2012 GET HERE ITS GON B HEARD TO STOP. EVERYBODY N HIS FAMILY SACRIFICED HIM EXCEPT LETOYA. DEY KNEW MICHAEL WAS WORTH MORE DEAD. I GOT TO GIVE A SHOUTOUT 2 PRODIGY. THANK U BRO 4 SPEAKIN OUT ON DIS SHIT. WE NEED TO FIGHT BACK. U NOT THE ONLY 1 TRYIN LUPE FIASCO IS TOO, LOOK UP WORDS I NEVER SAID, N PROFESSOR GRIFF HE TRYIN SO HARD HE KNOW HIS DAYS R LIMITED B4 DA ILLUMINATI CUM KILL HIM. I HOPE DEY DONT DOE. N WHENEVER MY NIGGA BOOSIE GET OUT I HOPE HE SPEAK ON IT 2. HIS NIGGA WEBBIE ALREADY SAID ON A SONG CALLED YOU BITCH HE SAID " THESE RAP NIGGAS PUSSIES I KNEW DIS SHIT DEY DICK N DA BOOTY SUCK ON A DICK"! YO! WEBBIE AINT LYIN. B4 I GO I GOT 1 MO THANG 2 SAY. U KNOW HOW DEY SAY DA GOV LYIN 2 US? WELL DATS TRU N U KNOW WUT ELSE DEY LYIN 2 US ABOUT? DEY LIED 2 US ABOUT BIN LADEN HE BEEN DEAD FOR 4 YEARS! DIS WORLD FUCKED UP AINT IT! IM OUT!

HEELawrence
HEELawrence

@Brooklyn80

50 Isn't affiliated with any secret society...

He's always been against those kind of things...

He said on 'Patiently Waiting' - "I'm down to sell records, but not my soul"

And in this interview he categorically says "No-one [From secrey societies] have approached me"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8QrCdmoCI4

Smart
Smart

Michael Jordan n the illuminati too! He sacrificed his dad 4 some sorry ass fortune n fame. Wats wrong wit these stars. Lebron, kobe, cp3 n it too! If u notice kobe wasnt n it untill he got hit wit dat rapecharge. Den he got wit dem n switched his number to 24. 2+4=6! Lebron been wit it ever since he been n da nba. 23. 2•3=6! Den just 6! N chris paul. He was throwin da roc up wit jayz at a dinner party. Da roc sign is illuminati! Cp3 know wut he throwin up. Lebron threw up da 3 6 n da commercial when he wuz playin da gutiar. I can see these signs easy ass fuck! All u have to do is look illuminati up n u will see the signs like da eye, etc etc.

Smart
Smart

Y nobody dont believe da illuminati is real? Dumb bastards. Dey say new world order ( NWO) n 2012.

Nyjets
Nyjets

Hey smart, if u notice half of da great nba players jersey number = 6! Dem niggas n dat shit 2. Jennifer hudson sacrificed her brother n mom. Den da next day she wuz out partyin wit somebody. Yea, dat bitch sacrificed em. Thats fucked up man. U deserve to be shot in the neck n the face ho! Killuminati.

Now Trending

New York Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

Loading...